Do Over
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: Two years ago, Olivia moved away & started a new life. Two years ago, Elliot realized that she was the one he was meant to be with as he gave her away. Now, fate just may have given him the chance to correct the mistake he made when he let her go.
1. 1 Three Little Words

_Do Over_

_(Chapter One: Three Little Words)_

It had been over two years since Elliot had seen her and nearly that since he had heard her soft voice, but there hadn't been a day go by that Olivia didn't cross his mind. Elliot often wondered about her life as Mrs. Dean Porter. Hours after the wedding the newlyweds boarded a plane and headed off to the home Dean had purchased for her in D.C.

The first few weeks were hell on him learning to live without her. In the eleven years they had been partners, Elliot had never gone more than a day or two without seeing or speaking to his best friend. At first she called him a few times a day, that was soon reduced to once or twice a week. After the baby came, Elliot was lucky to get a call or a two line email every other month or so. He would smile as he opened the annual Porter family Christmas card with the latest family picture of the happy couple and the beautiful baby boy with his mother's eyes.

She was his best friend and the truth was as happy as he was for her, he missed her like crazy. Of course, Elliot would never tell her that. He scrunched his nose up as he stared at the blinking cursor on the computer screen in front of him. He had been thinking about emailing her for weeks and now that he had actually found the time, his mind was completely blank.

He yawned and stretched as he scratched his head. His eyes moved over the room and came to rest on the desk adjacent from his…..the desk that had once been hers. Once decorated with a tidy stack of files and a few antique silver framed pictures, it now had coffee rings in the right hand corner, barbeque corn chips and a half eaten donut on the top and a can of spray cheese and box of Townhouse crackers in the bottom drawer. John Munch may have been a great cop, but he didn't always do so great at cleaning up after himself.

Elliot took the last sip of coffee from his mug as he stood and made his way to the pot across the room.

"Oh come on guys! If you finish off the pot, start another one!" he exclaimed as he dumped out the used grounds and inserted a new filter. "Or at least turn off the machine," he mumbled as he stared into the pot at the thick black goo that had now burned onto the bottom.

Fifteen minutes later he returned to his desk with his fresh cup of coffee. He sat down and propped his feet on the corner of the desk as he studies the slow but steady blink pattern of the cursor once more. He smiled a bit as his mind wondered back to the last time he had seen her.

The day was rainy and gloomy, but her beautiful smile was brighter than sunshine. Olivia was finally about to get her happily ever after and she wasn't going to let a few clouds ruin her perfect wedding day.

The church was decorated with navy blue and white ribbons and a reception dinner prepared for three hundred guests, half of whom she didn't even know. Olivia was sitting in front of a mirror putting on an earring when he opened the door and the very sight of her was enough to take his breath away.

"Hey gorgeous," Elliot whispered as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Hey," she said smiling at him in the mirror. "I'm almost ready. I know people are waiting."

"Let them wait," Elliot said and she laughed. "It's your day. And the wedding cannot start without the bride."

"I figured Dean sent you in here to hurry me along," she said turning to look at him.

"Actually, I have not seen him all morning."

"Really?" she asked only half worried. "What if he isn't…."

"Relax," Elliot said cutting her off. "He is here. I saw his car outside. That man isn't crazy enough to stand you up on your wedding day," Elliot joked and she laughed nervously.

"Your tie is crooked," Olivia said with a smile as she untied and then retied it. "There," she replied smoothing it out and tucking it into place, "perfect."

She drew a deep breath as her eyes met his once more and he could see tears starting to rise.

"You look remarkable. I'll bet no other bride has ever looked as beautiful as you on their wedding day."

Olivia laughed.

"Thank you," she whispered as she exhaled softly and bit her lower lip.

"Your nervous?" he asked.

"A little," she confessed.

"Don't be. He loves you. And you love him. I have seen the way the two of you look at each other. This is the real deal," Elliot choked out suddenly feeling a large knot rise in his throat. "You are going to be so happy. You deserve this. It's just a little cold feet. Everyone is nervous on their wedding day."

"Really?"

"Really," he assured her.

Olivia nodded.

"Does everyone feel like they are gonna vomit, too?"

"Well, not everyone."

"I feel sick El," she sighed as she dropped back into her chair. "Maybe this is a sign."

"It is a sign."

"Do you really think so?" she asked staring up at him with worried eyes.

"Yeah, it's a sign that they should turn up the air conditioning. This is a June wedding and it is damn near ninety degrees in this church!"

Elliot stared into her eyes and smiled until she smiled back at him. He knelt in the floor beside her chair and took her hand in his.

"This is a sign," he said raising her left hand to stare at the large diamond that now resided there. "A sign that one very lucky man loves you more than anything else in this world. And that man is standing in the next room waiting…..waiting for you. He is waiting to promise you forever and make you his wife. He loves you, Liv. And I don't think you are doing the right thing."

"You don't?"

"No. I _know _you are."

Olivia smiled in relief.

"Liv, you have been in love with this man from the first day you met him."

"You're right," she said in confidence as she stood once more. "And today, I make him my husband."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Elliot said as he pulled a jewelry box from his pocket.

"What is this?"

"Just a little something for your big day."

"Oh El, it's beautiful," she said as she pulled a small pendant from the box.

"It's a lotus flower. It's for prosperity and luck. Do you like it?"

"I love it!" she replied holding up her hair for him to fasten it for her.

"You are gonna wear it today?" Elliot asked as her hair fell softly back into place.

"Of course," Olivia replied with a smile. "Who doesn't need a little extra luck on their wedding day? We'd better get going," she said looking up at the clock on the wall. "I'm about to pass fashionably late," she joked.

"Are you ready?" Elliot asked handing her the bouquet.

"I am. How's my hair?"

"Beautiful. Everything about you is absolutely beautiful. And Dean Porter is the luckiest man in the world."

"He is pretty lucky," she giggled. "But I'm a pretty lucky girl," she said holding up her hand to admire her engagement ring.

Olivia slipped her arm into Elliot's and he held his breath as he walked her down the aisle and handed her off to the man who promised to love her for the rest of her life. It killed Elliot to let her go. But the truth was she was never really his in the first place. He loved her, of course. But he wanted what was best for Olivia, whatever made her happy. Dean Porter made her happy.

Twelve hours later Elliot stood alone on the platform and watched her wave to him as she boarded the plane that would take her away to her new life. Six short months later, his own marriage came to an end. And the day Olivia became a mother he knew all of her dreams had now come true.

To this day Elliot kicked himself for not being there when the baby arrived. As her best friend, he really should have been. But he was stuck here in New York, dealing with bad guys and juggling every other weekend arrangements and fighting children with his now ex-wife.

It had been too long, he thought as he turned the picture of her he still kept on his desk and stared at it…..way too damn long. And time had really gotten away from them. Somehow the one person he could always turn to and say anything around had become so hard to talk to. Now as he sat here with the letters of her email address…._OliviaPorter08 _running through his head, there were so many things he wanted to say to her and he didn't know where to start.

Elliot glanced at her picture once more as he wiped away a tear and smiled as his fingertips began to brush the keyboard in a desperate attempt to relay the importance of his message to her.

Three hours later Olivia had finally gotten her son down for his nap and curled up on the sofa with the laptop to pay a few bills online. There in her email inbox was a message from her oldest and dearest friend. Tears streamed slowly down her face as she read his words to her. There in front of her in black and white were three little words…. "I miss you."


	2. 2 Whenever You Need Me

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Two: Whenever You Need Me)_

_**Three Weeks Later….**_

Elliot sat at his desk surrounded by a stack of files. He groaned as the phone rang and he began to riffle through the pile to locate it.

"Stabler," he growled into the receiver as half of the papers fell off the desk and into the floor. "No, Beth!" Elliot snapped. "I do not have a moment to speak to the mother of the Daniels boy! I am ass deep in pre-trial paperwork and I have to be in court first thing in the morning! No, don't send her up," he exhaled as he bit his lip. "Just….tell her….I'm on vacation."

He hung up the phone and exhaled again as he smoothed his hands over his face. He tossed a handful of aspirin into his mouth and chased them with the last few drops of coffee from his Styrofoam cup. Elliot tossed the cup into the wastebasket, then folded his arms and laid his head down for a few moments on his desk.

"Detective Stabler," a uniformed officer said from across the room, "there's someone here to see you."

"Beth, I told you not to send her up," Elliot grumbled in a low voice as he cleared his throat and raised his pounding head squinting his eyes as they adjusted to the light once more. "Mrs. Daniels, I am sorry for the inconvenience but I don't really have the time to…." he paused as he studied the woman standing in front of him.

"I'm not Mrs. Daniels," a soft sweet voice said and he watched as the corners of her mouth curled upward into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

"No, you're not," he replied clearing his throat.

"Two and a half years and I don't even get a hello?"

Elliot couldn't help but smile. She was stunning, as always.

"Hello gorgeous," he said stepping forward and leaning in to hug his former partner.

"I missed you," Olivia said with a smile as she pulled back and he stared at her once more.

"You just missed the guys. Cragen is on vacation and Munch and Fin had to testify for this case."

"I'll catch them later. I couldn't come to town without at least saying hello."

"How long are you in town?"

"Umm….a few days."

"Married life has been good to you," Elliot said smiling at her once more. "You look great."

"Thanks. So do you."

"Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" he joked as he pulled a cup from the stack beside the coffee pot.

Olivia laughed.

"Or you could buy me lunch," she suggested batting her big brown eyes at him the way she always did when trying to get her way.

"I'd love to. Wait, but I have a ton of work to do before court in the morning."

"Bummer," she said folding her arms and making a pouty face. "Anything I could help with?"

"I wish," he replied. "But you're not SVU anymore," he said closing the file on the desk to keep the information confidential.

"Right," Olivia agreed settling into her old chair and propping her feet on the corner of the desk across from his. "You know I never thought I would miss this place as much as I have."

"I imagine it's something like escaping Hell. As relieved as you are to have survived and finally be free, this is the only thing you know. This kind of work leaves its mark on your soul. You can never fully walk away."

"Believe me, I know. Are you sure you can't break away? Just for an hour or so?"

Elliot leaned back in his chair and stared at the stack of files on the desk in front of him.

"Screw it!" he said as he stood up and she smiled. "I have read this stuff forward and backward, over and over and am still no closer than I was when I began. Maybe I could use a break," he replied as he scribbled a message across a yellow post it note and stuck it on his partner's desk. "Let's get out of here," he said as he stood up and slipped his suit jacket back on.

Olivia smiled as she studied the little yellow note on the desk in front of her.

"_**Taking the rest of the day off…."**_ was all it said.

"So, where is the little one?" Elliot asked. "What's his name, Jake?"

"Jack," she corrected him with a laugh. "And don't even try to pretend you don't remember his name. I know you better than that, Stabler."

"Yes, you do."

"He is with his daddy. Dean took him to visit his mother in Connecticut. They weren't due to come home for a couple of days, so I decided to come here."

"You didn't want to go visit your mother in law?"

"Ahh," Olivia laughed. "No. She still hates me."

"But you gave her a beautiful grandchild."

"I did," she agreed. "But she is still convinced I am only after the family's money. Which, by the way I am not the least bit interested in."

"I would have thought she would have figured that out after you signed the prenup before the wedding."

"That by the way was totally her idea," she said as they walked toward his car.

"Where did the Porter family get their money anyway?"

"Some kind of oil deal….I think. It's old money. He explained it to me once, but I don't remember all of the details. I do know though, that Jackson had a trust set up in his name the day he was born. At least I know he will always be taken care of."

"Peace of mind. So really, how are you?" Elliot asked as they pulled into the parking area of her favorite restaurant.

"I'm good. I miss my baby. This is the longest I have been away from him since he was born. But I'm good."

"Am I finally gonna get to meet him?"

"Actually, I spoke to Dean just before I came in to see you. He had planned on being at his mother's for a few more days, but they need him for some thing with work. So….I am meeting him at the airport tomorrow at noon to pick up the baby. Then he has to fly back home and pack some things and leave out again."

"It must be hard on you. Him being gone so much, I mean."

"Sometimes. I was really lonely for a while, but it isn't so bad now that I have Jackson to keep me company. I never realized before that being a mommy was a full time job."

"I bet you are an amazing mother."

"I try to be," she replied taking a sip of her iced tea. "So what about you? How are your kids?"

"Good. I don't get to see them as much as I'd like to. But I spend every moment with them when I can. Kathy and I have managed to keep things pretty civil for the sake of the kids….for the most part."

Olivia looked up at him as she twisted her napkin in her fingers.

"She usually lets me see them whenever I can, but lately it is like pulling teeth to get her to switch me days or give me a few extra hours."

"Lately? What is going on with her _lately_?"

"She has a new boyfriend."

"It is serious?"

"It seems to be."

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm happy for her. And the guy seems to be pretty good to the kids. They like him. But now that he's in the picture, she wants the kids around more to do things with them. She has even canceled a few of my days so they could do things with the kids."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does. But the kids seem happy."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"I've tried. But every time I bring it up we end up arguing."

"I'm sorry things are so rough for you."

"Ahh, it will work out, I'm sure. Kathy has never really been the kind do to things like this for spite. She just probably doesn't realize…."

"That it bothers you to lose time away from your kids? Then she isn't a very observant person."

"She's happy. Maybe she is a little distracted right now. What about you?"

"What about me?" she asked with a smile.

"Are you happy?"

"Well, I am sitting here with my best friend talking about old times and catching up on things. And I have the most amazing baby boy in the entire world," she said pulling pictures from her wallet and handing them to Elliot.

"He is beautiful. And getting so big."

Olivia smiled.

"He changed my life. I know every parent says that about their kids. I used to be so confused when I would wonder what my purpose was in life. I found some direction working with the SVU, but even that didn't always feel exactly right. I felt this pull from inside me like there was something out there I was supposed to do…..something greater than all of this…..I just didn't know that it was. But I figured it out the first time I looked into his eyes. That doctor handed me this tiny little baby, still all covered in goo," she laughed, "and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He opened his eyes…."

"Your eyes," Elliot corrected her as he stared at the boy's picture.

"My eyes," she said with a smile. "We looked at each other for the first time and I knew without a doubt for the first time in my life where I belonged. I was put here on this earth to be his mother."

Elliot smiled.

"It sounds silly, I know," she replied.

"No. I know exactly what you mean."

"You do?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah. I felt the same way with each one of my kids. But it isn't really cool for guys to come out and say it like that."

Olivia smiled.

"I think it's cool. There is nothing wrong with a man who knows real love when he sees it."

"I'm glad things have been good for you," he said staring into her eyes. "I have missed you so much."

"I missed you too, El. We never should have gone this long without talking. We should make sure it never happens again."

"Definitely."

Elliot watched as she looked up and smiled at him.

"I've missed you, too. You and the guys, and Casey. All of you."

"They'll be glad to see you again. And we have definitely missed you around work, too. You had a real gift. A compassion so many people in this line of work lose all too quickly."

Olivia exhaled deeply as she thought back to their days as partners.

"Do you still think about it? I mean I know I bitch about my work all of the time, but I know if I was ever out I would miss it."

"It has just kind of been there….in the back of my mind. Still haunts my dreams sometimes….the faces of all of the victims….thousands of them. We do our best to help them, but some will never get justice. What is justice, really?"

"Peace of mind, Liv."

"And sometimes that is all we can offer," she replied staring him down and he knew exactly what she was referring to.

"Things have been really stressful lately," he began to explain.

"I have never seen you try to avoid the family of a victim before. And I have never heard you talk to Beth like that."

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand."

He stared at her quietly for a moment.

"You didn't come all this way to listen to me bitch about work."

"Elliot, you don't talk to people about it. You keep it all bottled up inside. It will eventually drive you crazy."

"Nobody wants to talk about this stuff. They would never be able to get it out of their heads."

"But I have been there. I have done this. I know how it gets and I do understand exactly how you feel. You can talk to me."

"You've been a million miles away."

Olivia smiled.

"A phone call away. And I am here whenever you need me."

Things were quiet for a moment as the waitress brought their food, then Elliot began to speak.

"We were tracking this guy a couple of years back. He had a thing for young boys and when he was finished with them he killed them and tossed them aside like garbage."

He watched Olivia fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat. She had heard many of these kind of stories, but had never been able to see them the way a parent looks at them.

"It's too much," he said stopping to take a drink.

"No. It's just a different kind of reality when you're a parent. Tell me what happened."

"He grabbed a seven year old boy from his bed one night. Fin and I spoke with the mother and she was a wreck. Who wouldn't be, I guess. She came into the station every day to check on the case, praying that one day we would have details that would bring her son home. He was missing for just over three weeks when we caught a break in the case. She was standing there when Cragen gave us the address to where the boy was being held. And I let my emotions get in the way."

"What happened?"

"I promised her I would bring her kid home safe. She trusted me."

"It didn't work out?"

"No. Someone tipped off our perp. When we walked into the place we found the boy's body….." Elliot paused as she gulped, "in pieces around the living room."

"Oh my God."

"That was about eighteen months ago and the case went cold. Like our perp just dropped off the face of the earth."

"Did she keep in touch with you?"

"She came in every week. Like clock work. Hoping for some shred of good news that could help lead to the capture of her son's murderer."

"Did you ever get any leads?"

"We actually have him in custody. He was brought in on other charges and forensics found the blood of five victims in the trunk of his car. We finally had the proof that this man was our murderer. I called her and told her the moment I found out for sure. That is the trial I am supposed to testify for in the morning."

"I'll bed she was relieved to finally get the good news from you."

"I called her, Liv. I have not been able to face her since the day I had to tell her that freak murdered her little boy."

"I thought she kept coming to see you?"

"I have seen her. But I couldn't talk to her. I just didn't know what to say."

"So you pawned her off on someone else? You've lost your edge, El."

"Yeah, she moved off to D.C. and left me here to fend for myself."

Olivia smiled.

"You know you are probably going to see her at the trial tomorrow. You should talk to her. Even if you don't know what to say. She needs this to help her heal. And I think you do too."

"What do I say to her, Olivia? Hey, I'm sorry I screwed up and got your kid killed and yes, I have been avoiding you, but I am a coward and it was hard for me to deal with?"

"Be honest with her."

"She'll hate me. Liv, I will never be able to make up for what she has lost."

"No, but maybe having someone to talk to about what she is going through….feeling like you do care enough to grieve over this child as well….it isn't much El, but it is something. And even if she does hate you, at least she can start healing. And so can you. Your testimony tomorrow could put this man away for the rest of his life. And bring justice for that little boy and all of the other's this man has taken. Give her the chance to make her peace. Give yourself that chance. You have not been able to face her because you don't know what to say to her."

"Maybe."

"Maybe you are thinking too much about it. Maybe you should just meet with her and let your heart do the talking. Good or bad, Elliot….I promise you will feel much better. Give her that peace of mind."

"You're right."

"Aren't I always?" she joked.

"Pretty much."

"Seriously, though. Relax and speak from your heart. You are a good person, Elliot. With a good heart. You should really listen to it more often."

"It is so good to have you back," he said with a smile. "My voice of reason, here to set me straight."

"I don't know about any of that. But it is pretty good to be back. I missed this place….I missed you."

"Let's make a pact," he said raising his hand for her to shake, "to never go that long without talking again."

"Deal," she said shaking his hand as she laughed.

"I mean it, Liv. You mean too damn much to me. We may not have spoken for a long time, but there wasn't a day go by that you didn't cross my mind. I didn't mean to get all heavy on you."

"No, you're right. I thought about you all the time. I wondered how you were doing, how the kids were. But for some reason I never called."

"Neither did I."

Elliot watched as she picked up his Blackberry from the table and entered her newest contact information into it.

"No more excuses," she said as she slid it back across the table to him.


	3. 3 Read Between The Lines

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Three: Read Between The Lines)_

Olivia stood in front of the large window staring out onto the runway as the plane touched down. She squealed in excitement as she made her way as close as she could to doorway as she waited for her husband and son to arrive. Just then she saw a tall dark haired man holding a toddler with big brown eyes.

"Hi baby," she cooed as she reached out her arms across the ropes as Jackson reached for her. "Mommy has missed you so much!"

Olivia took the child to a waiting area to get reacquainted as Dean made his way to the baggage claim to get their luggage.

"How did he do?" she asked as her husband reappeared from the crowd.

"Fine. He slept most of the flight and spent the last half hour flirting with the flight attendant over a handful of animal crackers and a juice box."

"He has his daddy's charms," she said with a smile leaning forward to kiss Dean.

She had intended on an '_I've missed you' _sort of long lingering kiss, but settled for the quick peck on the lips that he gave her.

"Are you guys hungry?"

"Olivia, we just spent three hours on a plane, the last thing I want to eat is airport food," he snapped without realizing.

"I thought maybe we could go somewhere. Maybe that little Italian place you like so much?"

"I'm tired. And I have to be back on a plane first thing in the morning. All I want is a hot shower and a comfortable place to sleep."

"Okay," she agreed with a nod. "Check in is in about fifteen minutes. So by the time we get across town we should be good," she said looking at her watch.

"You aren't already checked in?"

"No," she replied staring blankly at him. "I spent the day with Elliot yesterday. You know, catching up on things. He made dinner last night and we talked for hours. It was raining and it was late, so I just slept there."

"Oh you did, did you?" he asked looking more than a little pissed off.

Olivia smiled a warm smile.

"Relax," she said raising her hand to his cheek and leaning forward to kiss him tenderly. "Nothing happened. It isn't like that with us. Elliot is my best friend, he's more like a brother. He was a perfect gentleman all night. He even slept on the couch so that I could have the bed."

"You don't find it odd you fly back to New York after being gone for over two years and spend the night in Elliot's bed?"

"Babe, it was completely innocent. I swear. I didn't realize it was going to bother you or I wouldn't have stayed. I promise you, the only man I think of like that is you my love."

"You can't so naive, Liv."

"This is Elliot we are talking about here. He would never do anything to hurt me," she said as she opened the door of the taxi and they climbed inside.

"I'm not talking about hurting you," he said staring at her with a disgruntled look.

Olivia laughed.

"You can't be serious!" she said as she kissed her son's forehead and combed her fingers through his dark hair.

She looked up to see his scolding glare.

"It isn't funny! I have seen the way he looks at you!"

"You are serious?" she asked just realizing how upset he really was over the issue. "Dean, there have never been any kind of romantic feelings between Elliot and I. We are friends and we were partners, we worked together for ever. But that was a long time ago. All we did was talk. Elliot is not interested in me in any way other than as a friend, I assure you."

"What did you talk about?"

Olivia smiled.

"You," she said softly as she slipped her hand into his. "And him," she replied kissing her baby boy once more. "And his kids. Old times at work and old cases and his marriage and people we both know. Just catching up on things that have gone on over the years."

"I've seen the way he looks at you. He never could hide it."

"Dean, there is nothing for him to hide."

"You may not see it, but a man knows. He has had a thing for you for years."

"I am married."

"Since before us, Liv. For as long as I have known the man. I could see it when he looked at you."

"He was married!"

"Married men have eyes, too. Being married doesn't keep a man from lusting over other women."

"It doesn't?" she asked quietly dropping her head to stare at their wedding bands.

"Look, just because you see things you like doesn't mean you go after them."

"So you do notice other women?"

"I travel all over the country, Olivia. You are not the only beautiful woman in the world, you know."

"Have you talked to these other women?" she asked trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I talk to all kinds of people. Attractive, not so attractive, men and women."

Olivia pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes to look out the window.

"How far has it gone?" she whispered.

"I had dinner with a couple of people from the bureau."

"Women?"

"Yes. There have been a few women."

"Did you drink with them?"

"Usually a scotch or two with dinner."

"When was the last time?"

"Two nights ago."

"While you had him?" she asked looking at their son in her lap.

"Mother kept him. It was important. For work."

She stared into his eyes dying to ask him the one question that was burning in her head.

"How far did it go?" she asked with tears welling in her eyes.

"You mean did I fuck her?"

Olivia stared at him barely able to breathe as she felt tears begin to stream down her face. She blinked, but couldn't say a word.

"No, I didn't."

She closed her eyes and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.

"But you will never trust me will you? Always so sure I am doing something."

"That is how it happened the last time.," she whispered. "You said you weren't going to let it happen again."

"And I didn't! It was dinner and drinks. For work."

"That's it?" she asked looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Jesus Christ, Olivia! I told you, I didn't fuck her! I may have wanted to, but I didn't do it! And you have some nerve to look at me like that when every time Elliot sees you he is eye fucking you!"

"Back to Elliot? What are you even talking about?" she sobbed.

"I'm talking about the fact that that man is a walking hard on every time he gets around you. I am talking about the only reason he hasn't made a move, assuming he hasn't, is the fact that he knows that I could kill his ass if I ever found out something was going on!"

"Nothing is going on," she said before breaking down once more. "I don't know why you wont believe me. I have never given you any reason not to trust me. Don't you get it? I am not in any way interested in anything other than friendship with Elliot! I am not interested in him, because I am in love with you," she sobbed.

Olivia drew a staggered breath and held her little boy close to her. She turned away from her husband and rested her forehead against the window of the car as the driver studied her in his rear view mirror. The older Italian man shook his head in disapproval, but said nothing.

Things were quiet for a few blocks and when they finally arrived at the hotel Dean climbed from the car and made his way inside. Olivia shifted Jackson to her hip as she dug through her purse and reached in through the passengers side window to hand the driver some cash.

"Forgive me for saying so ma'am, I know it is really none of my business, but you deserve so much better. Any man who would cheat on a woman is no man at all. Especially a pretty girl who loves him. Sometimes a man doesn't know the value of what he has until it's gone," he said in an almost fatherly tone.

Olivia forced a weary smile as he stared into her eyes. She watched as he reached into his shirt pocket and handed her a business card.

"If you ever need someone to come pick you up…. It doesn't matter what the time…. for any reason at all, you call Tony, huh? I'll take you anywhere you want to go free of charge," he said with a wink and Olivia understood exactly what the man was trying to say to her.

"Thank you," she said softly placing the cash in his hand as Dean pulled his bags from the trunk of the car. "But I am fine, really."

"Eh," he said shrugging his shoulders, "you keep the card. Just in case."

"I will," she agreed as the cab pulled away back into the line of traffic.

Olivia drew a deep breath of city air and exhaled calmly. She smiled at her son and kissed his cheek as they headed inside.

Elliot drug his tired ass up the steps to his apartment door. He slipped the key into the lock and pushed his way inside.

"Damn it!" he snarled turning on the light as he sloshed across the sopping wet carpet.

He made his way across the room and picked up the phone to call the building superintendent.

"Yea, this is Stabler in apartment 4B. Yea no shit there is water pouring in downstairs! There is water pouring down my wall and the carpet is under two inches of water!"

He listened for a moment as the man on the other end of the line groaned and complained.

"You can't get anyone here to work on it until tomorrow? Where the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight? My whole damn place is flooded! No, don't bother coming down! I can shut the water off myself! And the hotel room I'm gonna be living in until they get this mess cleaned up is coming out of the rent!"

He slammed down the phone and growled loudly in anger as he made his way down the hall to gather some of his things.

Across town, Olivia had just given Jackson his evening bath and had him settled into his portable playpen for the night. In the next room her husband sat in an armchair watching the last quarter of a football game. She made her way over to his chair and sat in the floor beside him. She watched quietly for a moment as tears began to rise in her eyes once more.

"Are we gonna be okay?" she whispered as she laid her head on the arm of the chair to look at him.

"I need a drink," Dean said pushing the button on the remote to shut off the television.

Olivia watched as he walked across the room and picked up the card key from the table by the door, then stood there for a moment. She pressed her lips together nervously and waited for him to speak.

"I don't know," he finally answered as he reached for the door.

"Maybe should try counseling," she suggested in a desperate attempt to get him to stay and talk things over with her.

"Yea, maybe," he answered without turning around.

Then he headed out the door.

Olivia buried her face in the arm of the overstuffed chair and cried.

_**Three hours later….**_

A more than slightly sloshed Dean Porter made his way around the corner just as the elevator doors began to close.

"Hold the elevator," he groaned as a hand reached up to stop the door from closing.

As it reopened he stood face to face with Elliot Stabler.

"Of course," he said staring at the man. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting ice," Elliot replied holding up the bucket. "What floor?"

"Three," Dean said watching as Elliot pushed only one button. "So why are you here?"

"Water pipe burst in my living room wall. The landlord is picking up the tab and this is the nicest place in the city," Elliot replied with a smile.

"Liv tell you we were staying here?"

"No, I figured you'd be staying at her old apartment."

"That had been the plan. But it was rented out a few days ago."

The two men stood silently side by side for a few awkward moments before they doors opened on their floor. They stepped out both heading down the hall to their rooms.

"Suite 310," Dean said pulling the little plastic card from his pocket.

"Huh," Elliot said with a chuckle, "I'm in 312."

"Wonderful," Dean said sarcastically.

"Well, have a good night."

"I will, thanks," Dean replied as he unlocked the door and entered his room.

Inside the room was dark except for the glow of the television that Olivia kept on so she could see to check on the baby. Half asleep she rolled to look at him in the dark.

"What time is it?" she whispered.

"It's almost two."

She stood from the sofa and made her way across the room to check on Jackson. As she leaned over the edge of the playpen Dean made his way up behind her snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her back into him.

"What are you doing?" she asked stumbling and almost falling over the playpen.

"What, I can't even touch my wife now?"

"You're drunk."

"Very observant, Liv."

She tried to brush past him, but Dean grabbed her and shoved her up against the wall pinning her there. Olivia struggled with him for a few moments before he raised her hands above her head and pushed one hand up under her gown.

She gasped for breath as she struggled.

"Dean, stop. You're drunk," she grunted trying to fight off his advances.

"I have not even see you in weeks. I turned down other women, _hot_ women, because of you. Now we are standing here in the same room and I can't even get it from my own wife."

Olivia tried to break away from him, but Dean overpowered her. He slammed her against the wall once more knocking the breath out of her, this time glaring at her and kissing the side of her neck as she struggled with him.

"Stop," she muttered before he pressed his mouth against hers while forcing her knees apart.

He held her hands with one hand and pressed his body to hers to hold her against the wall as he reached to unzip his pants. Olivia gasped for breath as she stared terrified at him. He had never been like this with her before.

"Please don't do this," she pleaded with him as she began to cry.

"What you don't want it baby?"

"No, please stop! You're scaring me," she begged.

But it didn't stop him. He forced himself on her and was kissing her forcefully as he tore away the cotton underwear she wore.

Just then they heard a little cough and Olivia's eyes shot to the playpen as Jack began to fuss.

"Wait," she gasped, pleading at the thought of being raped by her husband in front of their infant son. "I'll do whatever you want….in there," she said rolling her head around to look at the bedroom of the suite. "Please just let me check on Jackson first."

Dean stared into her eyes and she knew he felt some sort of power from the fear he had put there.

Olivia slid halfway down the wall as he released her and she scampered across the room to the playpen to check on the baby. The little boy raised up his head to look at his mother as he rubbed his tired eyes with his fist and began to cry.

"No, baby. It's okay. Mommy's right here," Olivia said calmly in her most soothing motherly voice. "And I am never going to leave you again. I promise."

She knelt beside the playpen and picked up her son in her arms. She held him close to her and spoke softly to him as she rocked him in her arms. She picked up the pacifier from the playpen and opened her palm offering it to him.

Jack raised his little head and placed his little hand against hers as he took the pacifier and slipped it back into his mouth.

"There now," she whispered as the little boy nestled his head against her neck and closed his eyes.

Moments later he was asleep once more and she kissed the top of his head and laid him back in his bed.

"Sleep tight my little angel," she whispered as she tucked his favorite blanket around him.

Olivia walked slowly into the bedroom of the suite closing her eyes and praying that the drunk monster her husband had become had passed out by now. But he hadn't.

"What took you so long?" he said as she pulled the bedroom door shut behind her so they wouldn't wake the baby again.

"I had to get Jack back to sleep," she said staring at him. "We woke him up."

"Come over here," he said reaching out for her.

Olivia stared at him for a moment, then put her hand in his allowing him to lead her to the bed.

"I wish you wouldn't fight me. You know if a man could get good sex at home from his wife he wouldn't feel the need to look for it elsewhere."

Olivia closed her eyes as she sat down on the bed beside him, but she didn't reply. He was looking to start a fight and she was just ready for this night to end.

"Let me look at you," he said motioning for her to stand in front of him and Olivia went along with it. "Beautiful," he said as he smoothed his hands over her body above her nightgown.

Dean slid one hand up under each side of her gown pushing it up over her head and tossing it aside. She trembled as he touched her and tried to remember a time when his touch used to be tender. His kisses used to be sweeter and he was so loving with her. But it wasn't like that now.

Dean pulled his clothes off and left them in a pile in the floor. He grabbed his wife and threw her against the bed as he climbed onto the bed over her. Olivia shifted in the way she thought would provide the least resistance and she closed her eyes waiting for it to be over.

He leaned forward and kissed her, nipping playfully at her lip. Then he raised her leg and pushed into her in one hard and swift movement. Olivia gasped. He wasn't really hurting her, but he wasn't normally this rough with her.

"Look at me," he demanded and she opened her eyes to look into his. "Just look at me."

Olivia nodded as he began to move inside of her. He started out slower, then began to pick up speed putting all of his weight against her with each thrust. Olivia couldn't help but gasp in reaction to him.

"I want to hear you," he grunted as he began to thrust harder into her.

She closed her eyes and began to moan. Anything to give him what he wanted at this point.

"Louder," me demanded as he got faster and rougher with her.

"Tell me you want it."

Olivia stared at him for a moment.

"Say it!"

"I want it," she gasped.

Dean raised up placing one palm against the headboard of the bed and causing it to tap loudly against the wall each time he pushed into her.

"I want to hear you loud," he grunted.

"Baby," she gasped softly, "people are sleeping."

"I don't care about them," he said. "I want to hear you."

Olivia began to moan loudly, knowing the people down the hall could probably hear them. She closed her eyes and pretended to be in ecstasy, but really she was in pain. By this point, he had sped up so hard that he was practically slamming into her and all she could do was lay there and wait for him to finish.

Lucky for her, the scotch always got the best of him and his stamina wasn't quite what it was without the drink in his system.

She closed her eyes and listened to his sounds, knowing he was nearing his finish. When he was done, Dean rolled over not even looking at her. Olivia laid quietly until she heard his snores and knew for sure that he was asleep.

She crept from the bed and slipped her gown back on, then made her way back into the living room closing the bedroom door behind her. Jackson still slept soundly and she kissed him gently.

Across the room next to the key card laid a pack of cigarettes, the strong ones Dean often bought when he was drinking. She slipped one from the pack and flicked the lighter in her fingers. In her bare feet and night gown, she walked out onto the balcony and sat down to stare out at the city lights.

Feeling both humiliated and ashamed that her body had reacted to him, she lit the cigarette and took a drag. She leaned back in the chair as the curtain on the balcony door began to dance in the summer breeze.

She knew she had to find a way out, but she knew it wasn't going to be as simple as it seemed. If she left Dean, he would fight her for custody. He had money and other connections that she didn't have and if he won she could lose her son forever.

One room over, a Elliot sat in the shadows on his own balcony completely unnoticed. He knew exactly what that little performance was all about and hated Dean for treating Olivia the way that he did.

He exhaled and took another sip from his beer bottle as he watched her hair blowing gently in the wind. By the pale blue of the moonlight, he could see the soft glisten of her tears. On the outside she tried so hard to make it seem like things were perfect, but now for the first time, he could see how troubled their relationship really was. Olivia was struggling to hold her marriage together as it fell apart in her hands.


	4. 4 End Of The Road

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Four: End Of The Road)_

Olivia held her son on her hip as she double checked the address she had written in eyeliner on the corner of the folded up newspaper.

"This can't be it," she said with a sigh as Jackson rubbed his tired eyes. "Last one, bubba, I promise. And I don't it will take long, this place is a dump," she said walking up the front steps.

Inside the wallpaper was peeling from the walls and the light in the hall flickered on and off.

"Correction, this place is a death trap," she sighed looking at the out of order sign on the elevator. "This is not going to work," she replied kissing her baby as she walked back out to the front stoop. "Let's see if mommy can get us another cab," she said staring into her little boy's big brown eyes as she pulled her phone from her pocket and re-dialed the number of the taxi cab company.

"Twenty minutes?" she repeated as the woman on the other end of the line explained that it would be a little while. "Ma'am, I am not trying to be difficult. I just stepped out of one of your cabs five minutes ago. I am now stranded here with a small child and I am just trying to get us back to our hotel." She listened for a moment as the woman spoke. "I just don't understand why it takes twenty minutes when the driver is three blocks away…..He's on break?" she asked as thunder began to rumble and out of nowhere rain clouds appeared. "Of course he is on break. Umm, I guess just send someone when you can. Thank you."

"Mrs. Porter?" a man's voice called from behind her.

"Yes," she replied turning to see an older gentleman.

"I wasn't sure you were going to make it," he said as he blinked at her.

"You know what….something has come up and I really need to get back," she said staring at the man.

"You're already here. Might as well take a peek," he said holding up the key to the fourth floor apartment.

"Okay," she nervously agreed as she followed the man up three flights of stairs.

She walked around what must have been the tiniest apartment in the state of New York. Taking mental notes as she carefully inspected each room she turned to look back at the man.

"The paper said this was a two bedroom," she said looking around her for the missing room.

"Well, this could be used for the little guy's room," he said opening the door to what appeared to be more of a walk in closet than a bedroom.

"Oh, I see," she replied trying hard to hide her disappointment.

"I can cut you a deal on the deposit if you sign a lease today. You could be moved in by tomorrow afternoon."

Olivia forced a smile.

"Well, I will definitely keep this in mind. I do have a few other places to look at, I will get back to you," she replied shifting Jackson to her other hip to shake the man's hand as she glanced at her watch.

Olivia rushed down the stairs and out onto the front steps just in time to see her taxi drive away in the rain.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she cried out, holding the newspaper over their heads as she attempted to open the now locked door. "Seriously?"

She hunkered down in a corner under the awning seeking shelter. She pulled off her over shirt and wrapped Jackson in it. She kissed the top of the little boy's head as he rubbed his eyes once more and laid his head against her chest. She was stranded in apartment Hell and there was only one person to call.

Ten minutes later a squad car pulled up in front of the apartment building. Olivia stood with her now sleeping son as Elliot climbed from the car and ran up the steps with an umbrella to protect them from the rain as he escorted them back to the car.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked handing her his suit jacket and turning on the heat in the car to warm them.

"We're fine. Just wet. It is near impossible to get a cab out here."

"Do you know someone out here?"

"Not exactly."

"What the Hell are you doing all the way out here anyway?"

Olivia hesitated for a minute as she stared at him.

"Looking at an apartment."

Elliot turned to look into her eyes.

"Did you really think Dean would live in that part of town?" he asked trying not to assume the worst.

"The apartment isn't for Dean," she said softly as she stared down at her son.

"Liv, I'm so sorry."

"Just, do me a favor and don't say anything. I have not even told Dean yet. He left out this morning and he will be back in a week. I was hoping to have a little more of a plan before I just come out and tell him that I am considering taking our son and moving back to New York."

"Considering? Liv, you're looking to sign a lease. That's a little heavy to be just considering."

"I know. I don't know what to do, anymore," she breathed as she wiped away her tears and stared out the window.

Elliot could tell that his best friend was in desperate need of a little grown up talk.

"For starters, you are gonna let me buy you lunch. We can go back to the hotel so little man can finish up his nap, order some Chinese take out and talk."

"You really want to talk about my mess of a life?"

"Well, I'll be doing most of the listening."

Olivia wiped her face and forced a smile.

"Things would just be so much easier if he wasn't involved," she said as she laid Jackson down in his playpen and covered him with a blanket. "All I want is what is best for him. But I don't know what that is."

"Think about you for a second. What do you want? I mean if you and Dean didn't have kids, where would you be about this?"

"If we didn't have Jackson I wouldn't still be with him. I have spent the last several months trying everything I can think of to make this work. But I can't fix what is wrong by myself. I am willing to fight to save my marriage, Elliot, but I am the only one doing the fighting. And Dean seems perfectly happy to board a plane and abandon his wife and child every chance he gets. When he comes home I am so happy to see him. I try to do things like cook special dinners and plan romantic evenings. And it seems like all he does is try to spend as much time away from me as possible. He doesn't even seem like he misses me anymore when he is gone. And the sex…." she blurted out before realizing what she had just said.

Elliot's head shot up as her eyes widened half in embarrassment. He watched as she began to blush a bit and stared at the floor.

"I guess you don't want to hear about that. A little bit too much information."

"You need to talk, Liv. I'm here to listen. About anything."

"It isn't uncomfortable for you talking to me about sex with my husband?"

"We used to talk about sex all of the time. We used to talk about everything. From dating troubles to that time you were late on your period and had a pregnancy scare from a one night stand and you didn't even know his name. And every detail about every single time that Kathy and I split up and then got back together. We're friends….best friends and this is what friends do, Liv. They talk about things, all sorts of things and they just be there for each other."

"We really have been through a lot together."

"I've missed us. Like that. The way we used to be. I hated that we grew apart when you moved. I felt like I'd lost you. And now it seems, as things begin to come back around to our old normal, that I have gotten you back," he said as she smiled at him.

"I've missed us, too."

"I am always here for you, Olivia. And we can talk about anything you want to talk about. _Even_ sex with your husband," he clarified.

She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear trying to muster up the courage to finish the conversation they had begun earlier.

"I would do anything for him. And I am almost ashamed to say that I have done many things that I wouldn't have thought I would ever do….for him. Sexual things."

"This jerk makes you do things?"

"You've been married, El. Not everything that I do is about me anymore. If trying new and….strange things in bed was what it took to please my husband then I was more than willing to do so. I loved him. I still do. And all I want is to make him happy," she said as a tear slid down her cheek. "To make him love me the way that he did before. When I was his world and he would call me every day to tell me how much he missed me. And that he loved me and he couldn't wait to come back home to me. I want the man that I fell in love with just a few short years ago. I want the man that I married. But he has become someone else. Something else completely. He is cruel and hateful and hurts me just because he can."

"He hurts you?" Elliot asked sitting up at attention.

"Not physically. He just does and says mean things to cut me down or make me feel bad about myself. He cheats. Or he has. He says he doesn't anymore, but he constantly comes home and tells me about all of the women he could have had, but he didn't because he is married to me. What is that? Is that supposed to be some kind of compliment?"

"He is an asshole, Liv. He is a jerk on a power trip and he gets off on hurting you. He likes the control it gives him. Knowing that he can be the one to make you smile and make you cry. That is a horrible way to be around anyone. He is an idiot who doesn't realize what a beautiful and loving person his wife it. This is neglect and abuse, Olivia, and it isn't good for you or for Jackson."

"It gets worse. There have been many times that he has done things in front of Jack. Puts his hands on me and says inappropriate things. And he never fails to remind me that he never wanted the baby. He says he only agreed to try to get pregnant to shut me up. He isn't a good father, Elliot."

"He isn't a good husband either, Liv. You deserve more."

"My son deserves more. I am afraid of what kind of man my son will grow to be with Dean as the only real male figure in his life. But part of me wants desperately to make this work so that Jackson has a mother and a father. A real family. He deserves that too."

"He does deserve more. But so do you. And Jackson is not going to be happy if mommy is miserable."

"That's just it, Elliot. I am only miserable because Dean won't allow me to be happy. Any time we are doing well and things are looking up, he finds some way to be negative and mess things up. And it seems like he finds thing to argue about, even if he has to create it or pick a fight."

"It sounds like he likes being miserable and making everyone around him miserable as well. I know you love him and he is the father of your son, but does this man ever treat you right? Is he ever sweet or kind to you? Is he compassionate at all? He should find ways every day to show you how much he loves and appreciates you. He should respect you and Jackson and put the two of you above everything else in life. He is selfish when he should be selfless. A real man would treat you like the lady you are. He should be finding creative little ways to be romantic to show you just how much you mean to him. He should treat you like a princess."

Olivia smiled shyly.

"Not every man is a hopeless romantic like you."

"I just want him to treat you better. People don't treat their dogs the way he treats you, Olivia. You are his wife, his equal, his partner in life. Not someone for him to cut down and stomp all over to make him feel better about himself. A gorgeous wife and a beautiful child can't make a bad person look good."

Olivia was quiet for a moment.

"I don't mean to be harsh. You came to me for support…."

"No," she said softly, "you're right. I have only seen things from where I stand. I was beginning to think I was just feeling sorry for myself. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do."

"Honey, you can't keep living like this. You need more as a person. And if he really cares about you, he would work with you to change the things that aren't working. He needs to change and step up to be the husband he promised to be."

"You can't make someone change if they don't want to Elliot. And I cannot make him love me. I'm really not even sure he does anymore. It seems more like he resents me, for some reason. And I don't even know why."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked sitting up straight in a protective manner.

"No," she laughed. "You are liable to kill him," she joked.

"Seriously, though, if you want me to have a little man to man with him I will. And I promise I will behave."

"Thanks, El. But I really don't think that is necessary. I think that I can handle this."

"I just don't want him walking all over you when you're trying to stand up for yourself. He needs to take this seriously and realize that there really is a problem here."

"I'm going to talk to him. I'm gonna lay it all out on the table and if he wont work with me to fix this, then I am going to have to move on. I don't want to leave my husband and break up my family. But we can't go on living like this. I am going to give him an ultimatum. Change the way you treat me and our son, or….or I have no choice but to leave."

Elliot reached over and squeezed her hand in his.

"I just need to have some kind of plan in place before I talk to him. I have to have some options. If Jack and I do stay here in New York, we can't live in this hotel room forever. I need to figure out some sort of living arrangements for the two of us….should I need them."

"Right, but you can't keep looking in the ghetto."

Olivia busted out laughing.

"It wasn't the ghetto!"

"Tell me that place wasn't as bad on the inside as it looked on the outside!"

"It was awful," she agreed with a laugh. "You know that man actually had the nerve to suggest I make Jackson sleep in the closet!"

"Does he realize that is child abuse?"

"He referred to it as the second bedroom. But it was a closet. No windows, a light bulb hanging from the ceiling with a string and it isn't even big enough to house my shoes, let alone my child. I might as well get one of those wire dog kennels and let him sleep in my room."

"I can help you look if you'd like."

"That would actually be great. I've been searching the papers, but there doesn't seem to be much worth even looking at. Not in my price range, anyway."

"You should check some of the real estate companies in the area. They usually have a huge list of great apartments around the city. And you can tell them what you are looking for, what price range and in what kind of neighborhood. Let them do all the footwork."

"I'm looking to rent, El, not buy. I don't have the money for any of those places. I have about three thousand dollars stashed away in an emergency fund I started about a year ago. I don't have a job, I don't have any income. I have a child. That's it."

"We will find you something. And if all else fails, you and Jackson can crash at my place for a little while. Just until we find something suitable for the two of you."

"Oh yeah, that would go over really well with Dean! Besides, you have a one bedroom apartment. You don't have the room for us."

"I'll make room. You and the baby can have the bed and I'll sleep on the sofa."

"I don't know, El. I don't want to put you out like that."

"Put me out? Listen, you are not a burden. I am not going to let you just get tossed out on the street. You are my family, Olivia. As long as I have a place, you have a place."

Olivia smiled a weary smile.

"Thanks, El."

"And you know, Cragen would give you your job back in a heartbeat. All you'd have to do is go in and talk to him. He'd be happy to help you out."

"I thought about it. I actually miss the SVU. But I can't face the dangers and put in the hours of that job now. Not with a toddler at home. Especially if I am about to become a single parent."

"It sounds like you have been a single parent for quite some time now."

"I need something where I can be home with him in the evenings. Something safer, something where I don't get shot at every day. I just want to make this transition, should there be one, as easy as possible on my son."

Elliot smiled.

"You are such an amazing mother. I always knew you would be. And Jackson is a very lucky little boy to have a mommy who loves him so much."

"More than anything in the world. I would do anything for him. And it kills me that his father doesn't feel the same way."

"Maybe this is the wake up call he needs. Maybe this little talk will force him to realize how bad things have gotten and how unhappy his wife and baby are. Maybe he will surprise us both and step up to the plate."

"Maybe," she agreed. "Or maybe not. I am scared."

"You don't think he will hurt you? If he lays a hand on you or Jack I will break both his arms."

"I don't think he would be stupid enough to do anything like that. It would make him look bad. He would be more likely to do what he can to make my life miserable."

"Hang in there. It is gonna get better. I promise you that."

"I hope you're right."


	5. 5 The Cold Hard Truth

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Five: The Cold Hard Truth)_

Olivia stared at the screen on her phone as she drew a deep breath. Part of her couldn't believe she was doing this, the other part knew she would go through Hell if it meant getting back the husband she loved so dearly.

"Your table is this way, ma'am," the host said as she carried her son through the restaurant to meet his father for dinner.

"Hey, little man," Dean replied taking Jackson from Olivia as he pulled out a chair for her. "How's my girl?" he asked with a wink.

"I'm alright," she said softly.

"I missed you guys," he replied kissing his son as he slid a high chair up to the table.

"We missed you, too," she replied sincerely.

Something about him was different tonight. Olivia was hardly able to believe her ears when Dean had called her and asked her to return to D.C. and spend the weekend with him. His work had brought him back for a few days and he said it would be nice if she and Jack would come home as well and they could spend a little family time together before he had to leave again. A voice inside her head screamed that it was all too good to be true, but so far he had been quite sincere.

Olivia smiled as she caught her husband staring at her with his flirty smile and instantly she remembered exactly what it was that had made her so attracted to him. He was successful and attractive, rich and a powerful man in the right circles, yes….but none of this had mattered to her. The one quality Dean had that sealed the deal was that he adored her and made her feel as if she were the only woman in the entire world.

Silly, she thought, how easily this part of life once came to them, but had now become so hard to find. Those moments, little glances, shy and bashful as if stolen from another. She had forgotten how good being in love could feel. She'd forgotten how good it felt to have someone love you like that. How wonderful and alive it made her feel. And that night, in the house they'd made a home, with their son sound asleep in his crib, Dean Porter reminded her just how great things could be.

Afterward, wrapped in the warmth and safety of his arms, Olivia couldn't help but feel memorized as she watched him sleep. Their bodies naked together tangled in a thin layer of cotton sheet and post coital sweat, she just stared at him. Feeling equal parts hopeful, anxious, foolish and ashamed, she raised up just a bit and brushed her nose against his.

"Huh?" Dean groaned, but didn't open his eyes.

"I love you," she whispered.

Her breath caught in her throat and her heart refused to beat as she anticipated his response. Just then, his snores began to echo through their bedroom. Olivia fought back tears as she settled back into her pillow, in their bed, where they were once a seemingly happy couple and worried that things might really be over for good this time.

The next morning Olivia kissed her husband's cheek before climbing from the bed. She moved downstairs and made a bottle for Jackson and handed it over the side of the crib. Then she stood under a stream of hot water until it seemed hours had passed.

She still wasn't quite sure exactly what last night had meant to Dean, but she knew what it had meant to her. In the heat of the passion and kisses she had longed for, for such a long time now, Olivia had found herself once more attempting to prove to him that they could still be the incredible couple they once were. As much as it was blindly obvious that breaking up may very well be the best thing for everyone involved, she couldn't help but find herself still so deeply in love with her husband. Staying with him might one day kill her, even still, it should prove to be a quicker death than the slow agony that would surely await her if she chose to leave.

She turned off the water wrapping herself in a towel and wiped the steam from the mirror. She stared into her own dark eyes and was forced to face the pain this man had put there. How could he hurt her the way that he did, yet still the one thing she wanted more than anything else was for him to still want her, to still love her the way that he did before.

"Can you shut that kid up?" Dean Porter growled from the bedroom as he covered his head with a pillow and ignored his son's cries.

Olivia made her way into the nursery Jackson stood holding on to the side of the crib. "Hey buddy," she said sweetly as the baby reached out for her.

Olivia smiled and picked him up. She hugged him tight and spoke softly in comforting words as she wiped away his little tears.

"What the hell is wrong with him?" Dean barked as he took the boy from her arms.

"He's probably just a little uneasy about waking up in a strange place. He'll be fine."

"He never screamed like that at my mothers. And this isn't a strange place, this is his home."

"That's because your mother hired a nanny to take care of him when he is there so that she doesn't have to deal with him," she replied handing him the bottle she prepared. "I know this is his home, but we have not been back here in weeks. It is still strange for him going back and forth like this."

"I didn't have to be up for another half hour."

"I'm sorry he woke you. I can take him if you want to lay back down for a while."

"I'm up now," he replied as she took Jackson from his father and kissed his little forehead.

"I should have been half way across the country by now, but I let you talk me into taking the later flight."

"I saved you a red eye. And I thought it would be nice if you had breakfast with your family before you had to go. I can't remember the last time the three of us sat together for a meal. It may seem hard to believe, but we miss you when you are away."

"You miss me? And you push me away when I try to touch you?"

"I do miss you. I miss us. I miss us as a family. The way it used to be when we first brought him home and…."

"And?"

"And you couldn't wait to come home and spend time with us. Now it seems like you are always leaving. Flying off somewhere."

"I have a job to do. You knew that when you married me."

"I feel like we're falling apart Dean," she said softly and he watched her as she began to cry once more. "And I would gladly fight….I would do anything to try to save our marriage….if I could only know that you wanted to save it too."

Dean stared at her, but said nothing. Olivia drew a deep breath as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Because it doesn't do me any good to fight to save us, if you are not willing to do the same. I love you with all of my heart. And living like this is killing me inside. But I can't make you love me if you don't. I can't force you to spend time with your wife and son because this is where you should be, if you don't want to be here. Some things have to change here Dean, because things the way that they are now just are not working anymore. It isn't healthy for him or us for that matter, to be like this. Being apart for weeks at a time and doing nothing but fighting when we are together. I love you. And I want to make our marriage….our family, work. I will do anything."

She sat quietly, barely able to breathe and waited for him to speak.

"You're right. None of this is healthy for him. I think we should consider a separation. I'll call my lawyer when I get back to D.C. after this trip."

He watched as Olivia broke down crying.

"We're no good for each other," he continued. "I'll leave you the credit cards," he said pulling two cards from his wallet and dropping them on the table in front of her. "I'll pay the bills up for the rest of the month and give you money to find a new place. I'm assuming you want to go back to New York."

Olivia wiped her face and nodded her head slowly.

"You were the only reason I moved to D.C.," she whispered.

"You have your debit card and I will wire some money to your account to help with expenses until you get back on your feet. Don't think I am going to support you for the rest of your life."

"I don't want your money."

"I will send you money to help with him, that's it. I will have my lawyer contact you to make some kind of custody agreement. I guess that's it."

"Okay," was all she could say.

Olivia carried her son into the bedroom where they sat on the edge of the bed and watched Dean pack his things to leave them behind once more.

"There's more," she said softly staring at him with sad eyes.

"Of course there is. I didn't expect it to be that easy," He replied grabbing his bag as she followed him down the hall while he tossed his shaving kit and toothbrush inside.

Olivia spoke softly as she cradled their little boy in her arms. But her words enraged him. Dean raised his voice and yelled at her, causing Jack to cry once more and she felt the sting of his open palm across her cheek. She stared at her husband with tears in her eyes, unable to speak. Unable to react at all.

Olivia whispered softly to her son to comfort him and turned to make her way down to the kitchen to start them some real breakfast. The next thing she knew she was on the floor at the bottom of the staircase and Jackson's cries had stopped.

It was just after five o'clock when Elliot finally got out of court. He was running late to pick the kids up for his weekend and moved quickly down the hall eyeing his escape route.

"Detective?" a man called from behind him.

"I'm sorry, I don't have to talk right now. If you need anything just contact me at the precinct on Monday," he said without turning around.

"I think you are gonna want to take this, Detective Stabler," the man insisted. "They said it was an emergency when I took the message."

"Emergency?" Elliot asked taking the slip of paper from the man's hand and opening it. "When did they call?"

"A few hours ago."

"Hours? Why didn't you bring it to me then?"

"You were in court. Judge Bradley doesn't like anyone interrupting for any reason."

"There is a reason they call it an emergency," Elliot snapped pushing past the man as he ran for his car.

Olivia opened her eyes and could feel someone watching her. She raised up in the bed and squinted to focus her eyes on the figure in the corner of the room.

"Hey," Elliot whispered softly.

"You're here," she said softly.

"Of course, I am here. There is nowhere else I would be."

"I had to tell them you were my brother to get them to let you in," she said forcing a smile. "Little white lie. But they only allow family in the ICU."

"Olivia, what the hell happened?" he asked sitting beside her bed and placing his hand on hers.

"I'm fine, really. And Jackson is going to be okay. They are renovating the East wing and all of the regular beds are full. So, they put us here instead."

Elliot just stared at her.

"I know that isn't what you meant," she said softly looking down as the sleeping child beside her. "I had Jackson in my arms and he was crying and crying. Dean was packing to leave and I turned to take the baby downstairs and make him some breakfast. The next thing I knew I was laying on the floor at the foot of the stairs and the house was quiet."

Elliot reached up and brushed away a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"He was so quiet, Elliot. For a moment I thought….I really thought he was dead," she whispered.

"You didn't fall, did you?" Elliot asked as she stared silently into his eyes unable to answer.

"Liv?"

"It wasn't an accident," she said softly.

"Are you sure?"

"I am positive."

"Dean pushed you?"

"I didn't trip or slip or just fall. It was more than that. I didn't see him push me, but I know he did."

"How can you be sure it was intentional?"

She was quiet for a moment as she kissed the top of Jack's head then looked up at him.

"Because I had just told him I was pregnant," she whispered. "Then I felt his hand in the middle of my back."

Elliot closed his eyes for a moment choking back tears of his own.

"I guess he took care of that little problem," she said softly.

"Olivia, I am so, so sorry."

Elliot squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead.

"We should contact the police and tell them that he intentionally hurt you. You should file a report. It is their job to protect you. That bastard won't get away with this."

"I got an order of protection against him this morning. They called the police for me when the ambulance brought us into the ER. That buys me a little time. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do."

"I would like for you to come back home with me," Elliot said softly as he shifted his weight in the chair. "I know you have a lot to decide and I am not trying to make your mind up for you in anyway. I just want to know you and Jackson are safe. And I really think you could use some support, people on your side. That order of protection might keep him away from you, but it still leaves you all alone. Do you have any friends in this area that could help you through this?"

"The only friends I have here are couple friends. And I assure you, Dean will have them turned against me by tomorrow morning."

"Come home," Elliot requested staring into her tired eyes.

"Of course," she replied with a soft smile. "I had already intended on moving back when I decided to leave. I let myself get all swept up in sex and romance and for a very brief moment in time I actually believed we could make it all okay again. That was last night, but everything changed this morning. We talked about the divorce. And I told him about the pregnancy. Then….then all of this happened. I just need to get away, I need to get Jackson as far away from him right now as I can. I don't know when he became the monster he has transformed into, but I am afraid for him to be around my son. He is like Jekyll and Hyde lately and I don't know what his problem is. He acts like he hates me, then last night it was like it was when we were first married. He loved me again, I could see it in his eyes. This morning, he changed back into the monster right in front of my eyes."

"He needs help. Anger management or something. I realize another pregnancy just as the two of you decided to file for divorce was probably not on his agenda, but it isn't like you planned it that way on purpose." He paused for a moment and looked into her eyes. "Was it a planned pregnancy?"

"No, it wasn't. Obviously I should have been more careful about things. I knew for months that I wanted to leave, but we hadn't been together in such a long time. I didn't see any point in renewing my birth control prescription, because we weren't having sex. There were only a few times we were even together and it took a lot of trying to get pregnant with Jack, I guess I didn't think it would happen. Something else I was wrong about. This may not have been the ideal situation for a new pregnancy, but I was happy about the baby. I had planned to keep it. I know raising two kids on my own would have only complicate things further, but this was my baby. You know?"

"Yea, I know."

"I didn't want anything from him. I only told him because I wanted to be honest with him. I thought he had a right to know if he was going to have a second child in this world. Things had been calm all morning, even when we discussed the separation he seemed civil. If I had thought for a moment things would turn out the way they did I would have kept it a secret. I guess none of that really matters now."

"Everything matters. He has no right to treat you this way and no right, under any circumstances to put his hands on you. His eleven month old son is not in the ICU with a concussion because this man cannot control his temper. He shouldn't be anywhere you or Jack. At least not until he learns how to control himself."

"We should be discharged sometime tomorrow. My treatment was actually outpatient. They only admitted me so that I could stay with Jack. The doctor just wants to keep an eye on him through the night. They will check us both out in the morning and as long as everything looks alright, we should be discharged by noon. Unfortunately, by the time I got to the hospital and realized I was bleeding….it was too late for them to do anything to save the baby. I was so worried about Jackson that I didn't even think about being pregnant."

"You should get some rest," Elliot said brushing some hair from her eyes as he kissed her forehead. "I will be right here if you need anything through the night. I'm renting a car to drive home, so we will have room to take some more of your stuff back with us."

"You don't have room for anymore stuff."

"So we will get a storage unit….something. You will need things when you get your new place. And I don't want you to have any reason you have to come back here to get them."

"Trust me. When we leave here tomorrow, I don't ever plan on coming back."


	6. 6 Here For You

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you guys for being so patient with me on these updates. I have had a lot going on in my personal life lately and have not had much time to focus on my writing. Today I just decided this was what I was doing with my day off and took a break from the world shifting everything else to the back burner for a change. And I realized something that I have actually known for quite some time, for me, writing is the best therapy ever. You all have twisted flick to thank for this update, for all of the threatening private messages (he he) and encouragement. I will try to get updates out for some other stories soon.**_

_**~Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Six: Here For You)_

Olivia moved around the apartment tossing random clothes and baby toys into a large duffel bag on the bed. She paused for a moment before stepping back into the nursery to check on her sleeping son. Smiling she kissed him gently and tucked his favorite blanket around him, then returned to her bedroom to finish packing.

She tilted her head to stare across the room as her phone beeped signaling a new text message had just been delivered.

"I have a restraining order, asshole. Can't you take a hint?" she mumbled to herself deleting the message from her soon to be ex-husband asking her to let him come home and talk things through before she left.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Shit," she said half startled as she moved quickly down the stairs to answer the door before Jackson woke up.

She opened the front door and stared into the face of a tall dark haired stranger with a fohawk and large brown eyes.

"I have a delivery for Mrs. Olivia….Porter," he said reading the name off the card as he handed her a vase with the largest bouquet of long stem roses she had ever seen.

She pulled the card from the envelope to read the words 'To my one and only love. I will love you forever. Please forgive me.'

"Wait," she called to the young man as he opened his car door to leave. "I don't want them."

"Ma'am, someone spent a lot of money on those flowers."

"Please, take them away," she said choking back tears.

"Ma'am, I am sorry, I can't do that. The gentleman paid me a lot of money to make sure that you got these."

"How much?" Elliot asked from behind the kid.

"What?" the young man asked looking confused.

"How much did he pay you?" Elliot asked again and Olivia watched unsure of what he was up to.

"He gave me a hundred bucks just to deliver them. He said to make sure that she got them, that I handed them to her in person and didn't just leave them."

"I'll double it."

Olivia gulped and raised her eyes to watch Elliot count out a handful of twenty dollar bills and hand them to the kid.

"Two hundred dollars," Elliot explained. "All you have to do is take the flowers away and explain that the lady wasn't at home."

"What are you, her boyfriend?" the kid said with a smile.

"Her brother, not that it is any of your business," he clarified his eyes meeting hers as she smiled. "Do we have a deal?"

Elliot watched as the kid looked at Olivia and realized how upset she was. "I got a kid sister," he said softly with a nod. "I'll take care of these. You keep your money," he said with a smile as he returned to his car with the flowers.

"My brother?" She asked with a smile.

"Would you rather I be your boyfriend?"

Olivia smiled a shy smile trying not to blush.

"Better than my husband," she replied forcing a serious face as she shifted her attention to the card in her hand and ripped it in half tossing it into the garbage can on the curb.

"You alright?" Elliot asked as he climbed the steps to her town home.

"Yea, he is just freaking me out."

"Dean doesn't give up easily, does he?"

"No he does not. Between the texting and the flowers, I am really glad I am leaving town. I don't understand it. He doesn't want me, he says he doesn't love me and getting divorced is the best thing. Then he texts me begging for forgiveness and sends beautiful flowers. What does he want from me, Elliot?"

"He knows it isn't right, that you don't belong together. But he also knows he has a good thing with you. Playing the family man is really good for appearances. And he may not want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either. He's territorial. like a damn dog."

"That's all I have ever been to him, a piece of property. He treats us like belongings, but he doesn't own us. And I will not let him treat my son this way anymore. I am his mother, I have to stand up for him. I have to make sure that he grows to be a better man than his father is."

Elliot smiled.

"You are so good."

"I want to be. I try to be," she said as Elliot hugged her.

"I know how hard this is on you. Well, I don't know. I can only imagine. But I am always here for you."

Olivia smiled.

"I know. And I thank God for that. I don't know where I would be without you."

Elliot cleared his throat, feeling himself getting choked up.

"I got the moving truck."

"I just got Jack down for his nap. That should buy us about an hour or so. There isn't a whole lot that I care to take, so it shouldn't take too long to load it up."

"Let's take the big stuff first, while the baby's asleep. We can load boxes and clothes after he's awake if we need to. Where do you want to start."

Olivia exhaled and looked around the living room.

"I honestly don't want any of it."

"Olivia, you are going to need furniture. And buying it all at once can be expensive. Dean can easily replace this stuff."

"I guess you are right," she replied biting her lip. "Start with the sofa, I guess."

An hour later they had pretty much emptied the biggest part of the furniture from the house. Olivia climbed the staircase to get the bedspread from her bedroom to wrap the television in.

"Alright," Elliot said from behind her. "We got the armoire and the dresser from in here. All that is left is the bed and then the crib and chest of drawers from the nursery."

"Not the bed," she corrected him looking ashamed.

She stared at it for a moment. This was her new start. And she was not about to allow this bed and the memory of everything that had ever happened in it to hold her back in any way.

"Not the bed," Elliot agreed.

"That I will buy brand new, for my brand new life," she replied forcing a smile as she pulled the duffle bag strap over her shoulder and followed Elliot out of the room closing the door behind her. "We should go ahead and try to load the stuff from Jack's room. We can grab the other furniture first, take the crib last. He has been asleep long enough, if we wake him now it's alright."

"Lucky for you I have become quite a pro at assembling and disassembling cribs," he laughed. "I can have this apart and in the truck in fifteen minutes. Maybe you should sit down and take a little break while I work on this. You've been through a lot."

"I am fine, El. I just want to get the hell out of this town."

"You are still recovering," he whispered. "You should probably be taking it easy today, not partaking in all of this strenuous physical activity."

"You couldn't move all of this stuff by yourself. I'm alright, I promise. We will be back in New York soon, I will take it easy then."

"At least sit down for a few minutes while I take the crib apart," he suggested as she pulled the sleepy toddler from the bed and cradled him in her arms. "Hey pal," Elliot cooed to the little boy as he fussed a bit and rubbed his eyes.

"I think maybe someone wasn't quite finished with his nap," Olivia said with a soft smile as she kissed the pouty face of her baby boy. "Maybe we will lay down in my room for a few more minutes while Uncle Elliot takes your bed apart. But then it is time to wake up little man."

"This won't take very long," he said as she handed him a screwdriver. "We can be on the road within the hour."

Olivia laid Jackson down on the bed and changed his diaper. She smiled as she watched him stretch and his heavy little eyes closed once more. She pulled the pillow from what was once her side of the bed and laid down beside him.

"Mommy loves you angel," she whispered softly as she kissed him once more.

Half an hour later Elliot stood in her bedroom doorway. He smiled as he watched her sleep next to her beautiful little boy.

He knelt beside the bed and studied the shape of the baby's little nose, then shifted his eyes to see the soft curve of Olivia's. The child looked so much like his mother.

Elliot watched her for a moment as she slept, one arm draped protectively over her child. He raised his hand and used his fingertip to brush a bit of dark hair from her face as her eyes fluttered open.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"You needed the rest."

"How long was I out?" she asked with a yawn.

"About thirty minutes. I got the crib and the last of the boxes loaded into the truck."

She sat up and stretched as she scratched her head.

"I packed some extra diapers, toddler friendly snacks, bottles and juice boxes in the diaper bag. And I have a few of his books and favorite toys in my bag, so hopefully he will be content."

"I know four hours cooped up in a car seat will be rough on the little guy. So I figured we could stop about half way and get a late lunch to eat. Walk around and stretch our legs. We will be back in the city in time for dinner."

The first hour or so of the car ride in the large moving truck was rough on Jackson. Elliot had fastened his car seat into the space between the driver and the passenger areas of the bench seat and the cab was pretty crowded. At first he got a kick out of the bright eyed wonder of the little boy as he pointed in delight with "oohs and aahs" at everything they passed.

After a fifteen minute struggle, the child finally managed to remove one of his shoes, leaning over to watch as he kicked it into the dark and mysterious abyss, aka the floorboard below his feet and had given up hope of removing the other. He stirred restlessly in his seat and Elliot chuckled as he found the goldfish cracker he had lost half an hour earlier, picking it up in his chubby little fingers to study it for a moment before popping it into his mouth and grinning in satisfaction.

The little boy yawned and stared at Elliot, watching as he turned the steering wheel and shifted the truck from gear to gear. Olivia had pulled her Kindle from the bag between her feet and was now nose deep in some crime novel, no doubt. Jackson laughed and clapped his hands in excitement as a fire truck and two police cars blew past them with their lights flashing and sirens blaring.

"Looks like you've got a future second generation NYPD Detective here," Elliot replied smiling in amusement as Olivia looked up and laughed.

"Of all the things to inherit from your parents son, you choose the dangerous career path?"

"It's exciting, mama. Fighting crime is a noble and honorable career. You and Dean both have careers in Criminal Justice, did you honestly think your son would go any other way."

"I guess I kind of dreamed the dream every other mother dreams for their son. That he'd be a doctor or a lawyer or something more practical. He's barely over a year old and already an adrenaline junkie."

"He gets that from his mother," Elliot pointed out and she gave him a smirk. "Besides, the lights are pretty. Tell you what, Buddy," Elliot said leaning over and smiling at the child, "when we get back to Manhattan uncle Elliot will take you to work with me and let you look at the police cars and fire trucks there. I'll even let you play with the buttons that turn on the lights and sirens."

Olivia smiled.

"He'll get a kick out of that," she replied pulling a container of cereal puffs from the bag and twisting the top off to hand Jack a few.

Elliot noticed Jackson watching carefully as Olivia took the lid off the container, then twisted it carefully back on.

"Do you want to play with it?" Olivia asked sweetly handing it to the little boy.

Jackson giggled in excitement bouncing in his seat and shaking the can. He tipped it and studied the lid for a moment, then placed his little hand on top of it. He grunted as he wrapped his tiny fingers around it and twisted, just the way he had seen his mother do. Much to their surprise, the lid popped off and little flower shaped cereal puffs flew all over the truck.

"Jack," Olivia sighed attempting to clean up the mess. "I'm sorry. I didn't think he could get the lid off."

Elliot laughed as Jackson grinned in accomplishment and handed the lid to his mother.

"He is so smart. He just watched you do twist the lid off and figured it out that quick. The kid obviously got his brains from his mother, instead of his father."

"Be nice," she said hitting Elliot's shoulder playfully as she chuckled. "He is smart," Olivia agreed. "A little too smart for his own good. Keeps mommy on her toes, don't you baby?" she asked softly combing her fingertips through his dark hair and kissing him tenderly.

"He is such a content and happy little boy. I had forgotten how much fun they are when they are his age. Finding wonder and excitement in the simplest of things. This is a great stage."

"Compared to…?"

"Kids are great, don't get me wrong. And I wouldn't trade mine from anything."

Olivia smirked and stared at him.

"Teenagers…" Elliot began, "all they do is bicker and fight and eat…they will eat you out of house and home. Especially the boys," he warned pointing to Jackson. "Then they fight some more. She's wearing my shirt, he's teasing me, you're ruining my life!"

"Ruining my life?" Olivia asked worried.

"Yes! The planet of teenage girl is a very dramatic place."

Olivia smiled.

"You are making me oh so happy that I have a son."

"Kids are amazing, Olivia. But they grow up so fast. Cherish this," he said with tears rising in his eyes as he looked down at her beautiful little boy seated between them. "Take in every single moment and remember it, the good and the bad. Cause when it's gone, you can't get it back. They are babies one day, then you blink….and just like that they are all grown up and they don't need you anymore," he said forcing a smile. "Well, they will always need you, but they don't think they do. They don't need you to read them bedtime stories anymore or check under the bed for monsters. You are no longer invited to tea parties, because they have been replaced with dates….with boys….teenaged boys! Boys who really only have one thing on their mind and it isn't treating your daughter like the princess she is. But you will be just fine, sir," Elliot said as Jackson smiled up at him. "Uncle Elliot is going to make sure that you know how to treat a lady. Always treat her with respect and compassion. Be her friend and listen when she talks. Really listen, not just pretend to listen. Open car doors, pull out chairs and always, always ask permission before you kiss her goodnight. And be a relationship man, don't just go after women for sex. That's just nasty."

Olivia chuckled.

"Always carry a condom. Do not expect to use it, but be prepared. Be punctual, fashionably late only works for women. Umm, be honest. Honesty really is the best policy. But the most important lesson I could ever teach you….and this is a BIG one….is always keep your word. Don't just be a man, Jackson, be a gentleman. Treat every woman the way you would want a guy to treat your mother. And if you ever need to talk man to man, I am always here for you."

Elliot roughed up the child's hair with his fingertips as Jackson giggled and smiled. He patted the little boy on the top of the head and raised his eyes to meet Olivia's as she smiled at him with tears in her eyes.

"What do you say we find a place to stop for some lunch. We should get him some real food. We can't just keep pumping this kid full of crackers in the shape of fish and bears and those little cereal things."

"Lunch sounds like a great idea," she agreed with a smile.


	7. 7) Moving On

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Seven: Moving On)_

Olivia opened her eyes and stretched at the first sight of sunlight as it began to peek through the blinds. She yawned and smiled as she rolled on her side to comb her fingers through Jackson's hair as he laid sleeping beside her.

"Mommy loves you so much, buddy," she whispered kissing him as he stirred just a bit. "Everything I do is for you."

She tucked the blanket around the little boy and surrounded him with pillows as she climbed from the bed. Digging around in her duffel bag, Olivia found her favorite pair of blue jeans. She dressed quickly and tiptoed down the hall, careful not to wake anyone else.

Elliot groaned inhaling deeply to take in the wonderful aroma that seemed to dance around him. He laughed a bit and opened his eyes in an attempt to figure out where the smells originated.

"Hey," he laughed. "She cooks!"

"She does," Olivia replied with a smile as she poured him a cup of coffee.

"This is amazing. You have always made the best coffee. And what is all of this?" he asked inspecting the food she had obviously been cooking all morning.

"I slipped out and went down to the corner market this morning. You hardly had any groceries at all."

"Yea, well, I don't really eat here that often. I am usually at the precinct and we order pizza or eat burgers…."

"Or foot long hotdogs from that stand on 18th," she added with a sly smile. "I used to work there too, remember."

Elliot chuckled.

"I miss those days," he confessed.

"I miss the fries from that stand," she joked.

"Combo number three, with a large iced tea," Elliot remembered.

"Hot dog with sour kraut and grilled onions. Nice and hot, with mustard on top," she said with a smile. "I craved their hot dogs the entire time I was pregnant."

"Dean could have brought back and bought you a hot dog. We all would have been very glad to see you."

"Well, Dean wasn't home most of the time that I was pregnant. And I should have done a lot of things differently," she confessed handing him a plate of eggs, bacon and biscuits.

"Don't kick yourself for your mistakes, Liv. There is nothing you can do to change the past. Just learn from it and use it to set yourself up for a brighter future."

She smiled a weary smile and exhaled slowly. Elliot could tell from the look on her face she was trying hard not to cry.

"You did everything that you could," he pointed out. "Not loving you enough, that was his mistake. Not yours. Everything that you do is for that little boy," Elliot said watching Jackson as he played with a spoon and an empty cereal bowl. "There is nothing wrong with that."

"I just don't know what I am gonna tell him when he is older and he comes to me asks about his father. When he asks why his daddy doesn't live with us or come see us very often."

"You tell him the truth. That you tried. That you gave it your best and that sometimes no matter how hard you try at something, things just do not work out the way you hoped they would. You tell him that you and his father both love him very much. He will come to understand. And if you are happy, Olivia, he will be happy too."

"I hope you are right."

"Oh, I am always right," he joked and she laughed. "He is a happy little boy. And he knows his mommy loves him more than anything in the world. And someday he will understand all of the sacrifices that you made for him and the things that you went through to assure him a safe and happy life. You're a good momma. I know you know that, but I also know that sometimes you just need to hear it."

She smiled.

"Thanks for everything, El."

"That's what friends are for. And I will always be here for you and for him, no matter what. You know that don't you?"

"I do."

"So, do the two of you have any big plans for the day?"

"Well, I need to find a lawyer. And an apartment. And a job," she replied exhaling loudly as she sat her coffee cup down on the table in front of her. "It's gonna be a long day."

"Casey might be able to recommend a good divorce attorney. I am not much help in the apartment area, but you are welcome here as long as you need or would like to stay. It's kind of nice having company. Especially company who cooks and cleans," he joked. "And I am pretty sure I know a place that would hand you a job, all you have to do is walk through the door."

"I don't know, El."

"Oh, come on. You know we would love to have you back. And you were amazing at the job. The best part of the team. We could really use you. And I know Cragen wouldn't hesitate to bring you back."

"I know. And I appreciate that, really I do. I just don't know if that is the kind of work I am looking to be in anymore."

Elliot stared at her and couldn't believe what she was saying to him.

"I thought you said you missed it?"

"I did," she replied shifting her attention toward her son once more. "But my priorities have changed now. I think it is just too dangerous for me to go back to that line of work now that I am…."

She paused for a moment and bit her lower lip.

"Just moving back to the city?" he asked.

"A single parent," she said softly. "I would love nothing more than to be able to go back to work with the SVU. But I just don't think that returning to a career where people shoot at me on a daily basis is the best thing for Jackson."

"I didn't think of it that way. And I am sure Dean would have a hay day with that one in court."

"Yea. I got a paper while Jack and I were out shopping this morning and have been sifting through the help wanted section."

"Anything look promising?"

"Um, a bank down town is looking for a loan officer. But I am not sure if I would really qualify for that. I figured I would apply anyway just in case a teller position opened up. And there is an ad for a pharmacy tech. That one says they will train you, but they want someone who can work nights and weekends. I don't really know what I can work right now. At least not until I figure out who will be watching him."

She wrinkled her nose and scratched her fingers through her hair the way she did when something was getting to her.

"Take your time. This is your first day back and I know that you want to get this all taken care of as so as possible, but there is really no rush. Don't stress yourself out any more than you already are. It will all work out."

"I guess I'd better add finding a daycare for Jack to the top of my to do list," she said with a nervous smile. "I have been a stay at home mom since he was born. I have never really left him with anyone. Dean has taken him to visit his mother in Connecticut a few times, but there has always been one of us there with him," she said softly suddenly realizing.

"Like I said, no rush. Why don't you take it one step at a time? One day at a time. Today," he replied picking up her pen from the table and circling the first thing on her list, "start by finding a lawyer. Give Casey a call. I know she would love to hear from you."

"That sounds like a good place to start," she replied exhaling slowly.

"So does uncle El get to see the two of you for a lunch date? I'll buy you both a hot dog."

"Sure. I am going to give my little fried here a bath and lay him down for a nap so that he will be on his best behavior while mommy goes around picking up applications. Do you mind if I use your computer to type up a resume?"

"No problem. Make yourself at home. And Liv, try to take a few moments of down time just for yourself. Take a hot bath or read your book. Something for you."

"I will," she said with a smile as she drew a deep breath. "But you don't have to worry about us, Uncle Elliot. We are going to be just fine."

Elliot could tell she was really trying to assure herself.

"I'll make sure of it," he added as he kissed the top of her head protectively. "Jackson, give me five, pal."

Olivia laughed as Elliot held up the little boy's hand and taught him how to do a high five.

"You take care of your mommy while I'm gone, okay?"

Jackson smiled and cooed back at Elliot then talked a little baby gibberish as he pointed at him.

"It's a deal pal," Elliot said patting the toddler on his head as he picked up his jacket and keys and headed for the door. "Seriously though, Liv, if you need me I am only a phone call away."

"I know," she said with a nod.

"Have a great day," he said pointing at her.

"You, too."

She waved as he closed the apartment door, then she turned to face her son.

"What do you say we give you a bath?" she asked as Jackson pointed at her. "Mommy will lay down with you and we will watch TV until you all asleep. Then I have got to get to work on this list so that I can build a nice new life for us. It's you and me now, kid. And we can't just keep living here off Uncle Elliot like a couple of bums. You like Uncle Elliot, don't you?"

She smiled as Jackson babbled right on que.

"I'm glad you like him. You could really use a positive male role model in your life. And since it is going to be a very, very, very, very long time before mommy even considers dating again, Uncle Elliot might be as good as it gets. He's a really good guy and lord knows your father has not always set the best example for you."

Jackson gurgled a little more adding his part to the conversation.

"Ma," he said with a smile as his dark eyes widened to stare into hers as he clapped his hands together.

"Ma loves you too kiddo," she replied scooping him up in her arms and cradling him like she used to do when he was an infant. "It is bath time, mister!"

Olivia rinsed out the bath tub as Jackson stood holding onto it to splash his hands in the water coming out of the faucet. She pulled a hand full of plastic blocks from the diaper bag and tossed them into the tub as she started the as she adjusted the water, then stripped her son down and sat him into it.

She smiled as Jackson squealed in delight and giggled as he splashed in the water.

"Try to keep it in the tub, son."

Jackson smiled and laughed again as she sat beside the tub to play with him in the water. So many things were going wrong in her life right now and inside she felt like she could fall apart at any moment. The truth was she was barely holding herself together.

Two days ago she had suffered a miscarriage and her marriage had fallen apart right in front of her eyes. She had no job and no home. She had a son. The most amazing gift God had ever given her. And she was determined to make it through all of this in one piece for him.

As broken and wounded as she felt, as badly as she just wanted to curl up in bed right now feeling sorry for herself and cry for a few days, she had no choice but to push forward. She had she couldn't break down now, Jackson was depending on her to get them both through this.

But each time she saw his beautiful carefree smile, each time she heard him laugh and giggle it made this pain she felt inside hurt a tiny bit less. He was truly happy. He didn't know any better than to be. And this let her know that in all of the things that had gone wrong, she was going something right.

Seeing Jack happy, helped her to know that things may not be the greatest right now but they were going to get better. She….they would make it through this….together. And they would both be stronger, better people because of it.

That evening when Elliot got home, Olivia had cooked dinner for them.

"I don't know why, but every time you cook this apartment smells so amazing. But if I even turn on the stove you can smell the burn stench half way down the block."

Olivia smiled.

"It's just fried chicken, Elliot."

"You know, I do not remember the last time that I had fried chicken and it didn't come from a bucket."

She giggled.

"How was your day?" she asked as she scooted Jackson in to the table in his little booster seat.

"It was good. We had the second part of the trial today."

"How is that going?" she asked handing Jack a bit of dinner roll.

"They have decided to prosecute the Daniels case in two parts, different from the others. Since he held the Daniels boy longer, we have included a kidnapping charge. That part of the trial we did before. The other kids he killed within hours of their abduction. So this part of the trial is for the total six counts of first degree murder."

"That sounds like a challenge."

"We're hoping to bring longer time by separating the charges. I spent the morning talking to Mrs. Daniels, walking her through what may or may not be brought up in court."

"I am sure it meant a lot to her that it was you there."

"You spend hours trying to prep them for what they are about to see, but there is no way to prepare a parent for that moment when they pull out enlarged photographs of her son's butchered body. I spent my day sitting there holding her hand while she fell apart and I am still not sure this guy is going to prison where he needs to be."

"Trust me it would be a lot harder on her if she didn't have you there with her."

"The jury is still out. I'm hoping they'll come back in tomorrow morning with a guilty verdict. How was your day?"

"Our day was busy. I called Casey and got a voicemail of course because she was in court with you. Later she sent me a text asking me to meet her for coffee in the morning to catch up on things. She also sent me the name and number of a friend of hers who happens to be an amazing divorce attorney."

"What did he say?"

"She was able to get me in for a consultation this afternoon."

"And it went well?"

"She is familiar with Dean's attorney and his spotless record. And she says she is willing to represent me."

"She is willing to?"

"She is good. And his lawyer is good. It is going to be hard to find someone who knows his tricks and can fight him back at his own game. If it gets ugly in court Elliot, I have to have someone who can play hardball. Not some inexperienced rookie who just passed the bar and is looking for their first day in court. So far Dean seems pretty compliant with everything about the divorce situation. But that is likely to change once his mother and lawyer get involved. He knows I don't have the money to afford a really good lawyer. All they would have to do is drag it out until I couldn't fight anymore."

"And I wouldn't put it past him."

"Casey trusts her and she comes very highly recommended."

"And you like her?"

"I do. I hired her this afternoon."

"That's great. I am glad to hear you got someone good. You need someone in your corner in that court room."

"I also turned in a few resumes, but no luck yet. I played around on google and found a list of the top recommended daycares in Manhattan. I called a few of them and set up appointments to go visit two of them tomorrow. It is going to be hard for me to leave him, but I definitely think that seeing the daycare and meeting the people who will be caring for him will help ease me into it."

"Make sure that you choose a place that has video cameras."

"That is actually on my list of necessities. I think they should all have cameras now days. I am strangely suspicious of the ones who don't."

"And I know I'm not really supposed to, but if you want to throw a few names my way I might be able to do a little digging. You know? Just make sure they don't have any skeletons in their closets. I know how hard it can be to find peace of mind when you are trusting a stranger to care for your baby."

"I think it might be a little easier if he could talk. But it worries me that he can't even come and tell me if someone is mean to him or hurts him. But this is something I need to work on now while he is little. I don't want to end up being that crazy neurotic mother who is so over protective that my kid grows up to become the next Norman Bates."

Elliot laughed.

"I want him to be happy and healthy and grow to be a successful, independent adult."

"Isn't that what we all want? You are doing fine. And he will be fine. You are just in a very stressful place right now. But things are starting to fall into place and soon you will see that everything is going to be just fine."

Just then the doorbell rang and Elliot moved to open the door. Wiped off Jackson's face and hands as she pulled him from his seat.

"It's for you," Elliot replied turning to her with concern in his eyes.

Olivia kissed the top of her son's head and handed him to Elliot as she approached the man standing at the door.

"Olivia Porter?" he asked, his beady little eyes peering almost angrily at her.

"Yes," she responded nervously.

"You've been served," he snapped placing a manila envelope in her hand. "Sign on the line please," he said practically shoving a clip board into her face.

Elliot drew a deep breath as he bounced Jackson gently to entertain him and watched her pick up the pen. She closed the door and stood with her back to him in silence for a few moments.

"That was quick," he said before he could catch himself.

Olivia pulled the pages from the envelope and her eyes began to scan over them. Elliot watched as she placed one hand against the wall to steady herself and he knew she was about to fall apart.

"Liv, I'm so sorry," he whispered trying hardtop comfort her.

Olivia turned to face him once more.

"He is suing me for full custody of Jackson," she whispered choking back tears as her bottom lip quivered uncontrollably.

She reached out taking her son from Elliot and hugged the baby boy tight as she broke into tears.


	8. 8) Still Standing

_Do Over_

_(Chapter Eight: Still Standing)_

_ "Are you sure about this?" Olivia asked shifting Jackson on her hip as she looked around the room._

_ "That judge gave you three weeks to find a place and be settled," Elliot replied._

_ "El, there are a hundred places in the newspaper."_

_ "And we have looked at ninety nine of them. Bad neighborhoods, creepy neighbors, unsafe for him….I still swear I smelled a body in the one on Eighth."_

_ Olivia smiled resisting the urge to laugh._

_ "It was a nice apartment."_

_ "I counted four roaches before we even got through the front door."_

_ "You're right, it was a dump."_

_ "This is a great neighborhood. The apartment is safe and clean. And I hear the neighbors are pretty awesome, too. Especially that extremely attractive cop who lives upstairs."_

_ Olivia smiled._

_ "It will be nice to have you close by."_

_ "I can be here in seconds if you ever need anything. No matter what time of day or night."_

_ "Explain it to me one more time. How is this supposed to work?"_

_ "The couple who own the building are retired. Their permanent residence is somewhere in Florida. They just did a complete renovation of their apartment and they usually rent it out short term to business people and tourists. It puts cash in their pockets and it is cheaper and more private for renters than staying in a hotel."_

_ "Short term rentals? So what happens when they come home? Do Jack and I just get kicked out on the street?"_

_ "I would never let that happen."_

_ "I know. I was only half joking."_

_ "They own several other properties around the city. They like the fact that a cop lives here, it makes the other tenants feel safer. And I keep an eye on the building for them. Kind of like an unofficial manager, while they are gone."_

_ "Elliot, I still don't have a job. I can't afford this place."_

_ "Would you relax? I talked to them. I explained that I was trying to help a friend of mine get back on her feet. They said you guys can work something out in a few once you have a source of income."_

_ "God, you didn't give them the pity the battered woman speech did you?" _

_ "No. But the fact that you are a single mother may have come up during the course of the conversation. Look, they are good people, Liv. I'm not trying to put your business out there, but I am trying to find a way to help out as much as I can." _

_ "You are such an amazing friend. I don't know what we'd do without you. We'd probably be living in a shelter."_

_ "You're not. Not now, not ever. Besides, that's what best friends are for. And I happen to remember you saving my ass a few times. Pardon my language, Jackson. You are my family, Olivia. You and Jack, and families look out for each other. There is nothing that I….or any of the guys at work wouldn't do for the two of you."_

_ She smiled._

_ "You know, for an only child I sure do seem to have a lot of protective older brothers. But I'm not complaining, it's nice to feel like you have a place where you belong. People you belong with."_

_ "We're your people."_

_ "You are," she agreed exhaling as she looked around the room once more. "Jack," she said as the little boy stared up at her with big brown eyes, "what do you think of our new home?"_

_ Jackson babbled a little baby talk as he raised his hands in the air. Olivia smiled and she and Elliot both laughed._

_ "I think he said he likes it," Elliot said. "And I think you will both like it a little more once we get some of your personal things moved in. You'll get your toys back, buddy."_

_ Jackson giggled as Elliot tickled his belly._

_ "I know it isn't near as nice as your place back in D.C."_

_ "It's perfect."_

_ "Ah, the pace does have its perks."_

_ "Yes. I do believe you mentioned the hunky guy upstairs." _

_ "And you have your car now, so you won't be stuck at home all of the time. I can't believe Dean let you have it."_

_ "It was a gift, last Christmas. My name is the only one on the title. Trust me, he wouldn't have let me keep it if that judge didn't order him to."_

_ "That sounds like the Dean Porter I knew. Still, getting a little bit of your freedom back."_

_ "Freedom to find a job," she joked. "If I don't have one in a week when I go back to court, I could still lose him, Elliot. I have to be able to prove to that judge that I can support Jack and I on my own. I can't do that with a $4 an hour waitressing job at the diner on the corner. That is the only promising response I have gotten and that guy stared at my chest through the entire interview and smacked me on the ass on the way out."_

_ "You didn't tell me that."_

_ "You gonna arrest him?" she said sarcastically. "Unfortunately, being a skeeze in New York City is not a crime. Besides, I probably won't get the job anyway."_

_ "I thought he liked you?"_

_ "He did. Until I kneed him in the balls and slammed him against the table, threatening to kick his ass if he ever touched me again."_

_ Elliot laughed._

_ "That's my girl!"_

_ "It is sweet of you to worry, but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, El."_

_ "I know. But I am your partner, it's my job to look out for you."_

_ "You __were__ my partner. I'm not a cop anymore."_

_ "Partners for life, remember? I'll always have your back."_

_ "You always have," she agreed._

_ "Everything here is brand new. While we are here we should decide what goes and what stays."_

_ "What do you mean, what goes?"_

_ "Well, you have a large amount of stuff in the storage unit. We can pull some of this stuff and store it, bring your own stuff back here. Make this place feel a little more like home."_

_ "I'll need to clear out the smaller bedroom. The dresser can stay, but we'll have to take the bed down to bring in the crib."_

_ "I can bring in the rest of your furniture, too."_

_ "No, you know what…I kind of like all of this modern stuff. Change is good. I just need to do a little baby proofing and we're good."_

_ "Alright," Elliot said with a nod. "Why don't we find a safe place for little man to play and maybe turn some cartoons on? I can order us some delivery and get started taking the bed apart."_

_ "Feel like some Tai food?"_

_ "I know it sounds silly, but we always ordered pizza our first night in a new place. It kind of became a tradition, like good luck."_

_ "Pizza sounds good. And I wouldn't want to mess with tradition, I could use all the good luck I can get."_

_ "Maybe on our way back with the crib we can stop and grab a six pack, Christen this place right."_

_ Olivia laughed._

_ "I don't think there's a game on tonight."_

_ "I'm sure we'll find something worth watching. Maybe one of those old movies you like."_

_ "You really want to spend a Saturday night hanging out with me in my new place?"_

_ "Unless you'd rather be alone."_

_ "I have a bunch of boxes that will need unpacked, if you think I'm turning down free help you're crazy!"_

_ "Free? Who do you think's buying the beer?" Elliot asked and they both laughed._

_ That night Olivia tucked a very tired Jackson into his crib in his new bedroom. _

_ "He is wore out," she said returning to the living room and dropping beside Elliot on the sofa. "I am hoping that will be enough to get him to sleep through the night. Sometimes he has a little trouble with that in new places. Thank you," she said shifting her eyes to look at him and smiling softly._

_ "No problem. Besides, it's always good to make nice with new neighbors, you never know when you might need theme to help you out."_

_ "I owe you, so much."_

_ "That's not what I meant."_

_ "I know. I just want you to understand how grateful I am….we are. This is good for us, both of us. I can feel it. Jack is already so much happier just in the couple of weeks we have been back in New York. I am sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that he is no longer exposed to the constant fighting, but he hasn't smiled this much in a long time."_

_ "To your new life," Elliot said tapping his beer bottle against hers in a toast. "You both deserve to feel safe and happy, Olivia. Dean had no right to ever take that away from you."_

_ "I learned a very important lesson a long time ago, Elliot. People can push you down, but they can't hold you there unless you let them. I've let that man bully me long enough. It is time that I stand up and take charge of my life again, show my son that just because things get bad sometimes does not mean that they have to stay that way. I want him to grow to be a strong adult, to know that it is okay to stand up for yourself and I don't want him to grow up thinking it is okay to spend your life continuously being pushed around and manipulated by other people. He isn't going to learn that from Dean. It is important to me that he learns that you can achieve anything you want in life if you work hard for it. And that he knows the importance of being honest and trust worthy and that there are better ways of solving your problems than yelling and raising your hands against other people."_

_ "He is going to be just fine, Olivia. He has too much of his mama in him not to be good."_

_ "I hope you are right. Now that I have the move out of the way, I just have to get out there and get this job situation taken care of. There has to be something I can do."_

_ "You're an amazing cop."_

_ "I know where you're going with this, El, but I can't."_

_ "Cragen would welcome you back with open arms, you know that. And you are great with the victims."_

_ "And I loved working there. It just isn't something I think is appropriate for a single mother with a toddler. It is just too risky and that judge would have a field day. I would lose custody of Jackson for sure."_

_ "Dean is an FBI agent. He is never home."_

_ "I know. But Dean has a family with a lot of money and money can make a lot of things happen that are not fair. Realistically if Dean got full custody, he wouldn't even be raising Jack. He'd be at Dean's mothers house with a nanny all of the time."_

_ "How could he possibly think that would be better than Jackson living here with his mother?"_

_ "I don't know that he does. It's more about the power. Knowing he has something I want more than anything and a way to control me even after the divorce is final. He knows if he wins this court case….I will never give up fighting to get my son."_

_ "It's his sick twisted way of keeping you in his life."_

_ "Or trying to destroy mine."_

_ "Oh, I was talking to Kathy last night when I dropped off the kids. She heard something about a job opening…."_

_ "The sales position at the makeup counter in Macys. I already checked into it, but it is only for about twenty hours a week and I don't think I was quite what they had in mind."_

_ "No, this was at the hospital where she works."_

_ "I'm not a nurse like she is, El."_

_ "You don't have to be. This position was for an admitting person for the ER. Full time hours, benefits, data entry mostly. You get patient information when they arrive and give them the forms to fill out, then show them back to the room to wait for a doctor. She said they would provide training for anything you might need to know. The position is new, it just opened up a couple of days ago."_

_ "I haven't seen it in the paper."_

_ "They haven't listed it yet. Kathy told them she thought she knew someone who would be perfect for the position and they gave her the weekend to find out if you wanted it. I just have to let her know if you are interested."_

_ "It was really sweet of her to think of me. Yea, I mean it is worth checking into. I just don't know how Emergency Room hours are going to work out with a baby at home."_

_ "It's days, a set shift. The woman who is there now is retiring and they are looking for someone to replace her while she still has time to train them. It is six blocks from here and they have a daycare on site."_

_ "Sounds like my dream job just fell from the sky."_

_ "I didn't know data entry at a hospital was your dream job."_

_ "Any job that pays bills and allows me to keep custody of my child is a dream job," she replied with a smile. "Once again, a Stabler saved my ass."_

_ Elliot smiled as he looked down at his phone._

_ "I texted Kathy and told her that you are interested. She says for you to go in and fill out an application, put her down as a reference and they should call you in a day or so for an interview."_

_ "This is exciting!" Olivia squealed. "Thank her for me." _

_ Elliot laughed._

_ "She says you can thank her yourself with a cup of coffee from the cafeteria after you get your first pay check. You have a lot of catching up to do and she would love to see you."_

_ Olivia smiled as she pulled the phone from his hands to read the text._

_**Thanks, Kath-Liv**__ she typed, then handed it back to Elliot._

_ "It's after ten and it sounds like you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow. I'd better get out of here and let you get some rest."_

_ "Thanks again, El."_

_ Olivia stepped forward and hugged him tight._

_ "No problem. And remember, if you ever need anything….someone to check under the bed for monsters, a shoulder to cry on or just to borrow a cup of sugar…." He paused and they both laughed a little. "I am right upstairs."_

_ "Sugar?" she laughed. "That reminds me I need to buy groceries."_

_ The next morning, Olivia fixed her hair and makeup then put on her most professional looking outfit. She fed Jackson breakfast and fixed herself a cup of coffee as she scribbled on a napkin. On one side was her to do list for the day and her grocery list was on the other. She raised her head and laid her pen down on the counter as someone began to knock at the door._

_ "Just a second," she called out. "Let's get your face wiped off," she said with a smile and a quick swipe of a wash cloth over the little boys face as she pulled him from his booster seat and placed him on her hip. "You got oatmeal all over you," she said and Jackson smiled, leaning forward to place his forehead against hers._

_ Olivia kissed his little forehead as he stared at her adoringly. _

_ "Who is it?" she whispered as Jackson pointed a chubby little finger at the door. _

_ "Bye," he cooed._

_ Olivia laughed and hugged the toddler as she looked through the peek hole at the figure standing on the other side of her door._

_ "Hey," she said with a big smile opening the door to invite her guest inside. "I'm sorry for the mess, we weren't really expecting any company."_

_ "I should have called," the girl replied pointing toward the door. "Dad mentioned that you might need a babysitter for a couple of hours today. I was picking up a few books for a class and thought I would drop by and see if I could help out."_

_ "That is really sweet of you, Maureen. Come on in, we just finished breakfast. Would you like a cup of coffee?"_

_ "Thanks," she said with a smile, dropping her book bag beside the front door. "Nice place," she said looking around the large living room._

_ "Your dad found it for us. We actually just moved in last night, so things are kind of a mess right now. So how have you been? I have not seen you in so long. What has it been about three years?"_

_ "Probably closer to four," Maureen laughed. "He's adorable."_

_ "I'm sorry. Where are my manors? Maureen, this is my son, Jackson."_

_ "Hi buddy," she whispered as Jackson smiled and reached for her._

_ "Oh, okay," Olivia said a bit surprised. "He doesn't normally take so quickly to new people."_

_ "Is it okay?" Maureen asked with a smile._

_ "Sure. Hey, he's the boss," Olivia replied as Jack practically leapt from her arms to Maureen's. _

_ "So you are still in school?" Olivia asked wiping the table free of oatmeal bits and toast crumbs._

_ "Yea, I just started law school."_

_ "That's great. Four years was long enough for me. I don't know if I could have handled law school."_

_ "Well, I only started last week. But it keeps me busy."_

_ "Are you thinking of going into Criminal Law?" Olivia asked sitting a cup of coffee in front of the girl._

_ "I think so. But I haven't really decided yet. Dad thinks I should become a corporate lawyer and go to work for some big company. He says that is where the money is," she laughed. "But I haven't completely ruled our family law either. I wouldn't mind maybe overseeing adoptions and helping kids find good homes."_

_ "Well, you seem to be good with kids. You are smart and you're a fast learner so I am sure you will excel at whatever you decide to go with. I'm surprised your dad isn't pushing you toward a career as a prosecutor, I could see him trying to steer you more toward criminal justice….sort of following in his footsteps."_

_ "I think he worries that it might be too dangerous. Every time I bring it up, he has some horror story of something that happened to a judge or attorney he knows from work. He worries way too much."_

_ "He can't help it. I know it can often seem like he is trying to run your life, but really it is just a parental thing. You are his baby….an adult, but you will always be his child. So he will always worry. I never really understood it either until I had him. As a parent your every concern is in some way related to your children. But I know how proud he is of you."_

_ "Did he say that?"_

_ "He says it all the time. He is proud of all of you. And he loves you guys more than anything in the world. He worries, Maureen, but it is only because he has seen so many bad things out there. But I am sure he will fully support you in anything you decide."_

_ "I know. Dad has always been a worrier, but he has always been there for us even if we are doing something he doesn't necessarily agree with. How have you been? Are you gonna go back to work with dad now that you are back?"_

_ "No. I loved my days at the SVU, but I think it is time I found a more child friendly career. That is probably actually why he called you. I am supposed to drop by the hospital where your mom works and apply for a job there. She was kind enough to put in a good word for me when a position opened up and I think it would be a really great opportunity for me and for him."_

_ "That's great."_

_ "I was actually debating on taking him with me until you showed up at my door."_

_ "I would be glad to watch him for you. He seems like such a sweet baby."_

_ "Don't let him fool you. He can be quite the handful sometimes. Now that he is starting to walk he gets into everything."_

_ "You do realize I have four brothers and sisters, right? I have done my share of babysitting. I am sure everything will be fine."_

_ "I shouldn't be too long. Just there and right back, an hour maybe. Unless they want me to speak to someone, then I am not really sure how long."_

_ "Take your time. I will find us some cartoons and some toys. We will have lots of fun, won't we pal?"_

_ Jackson grinned and batted his long dark eyelashes at Maureen._

_ "I think he is flirting with you," Olivia laughed. "He usually takes a nap in about half an hour, so hopefully he won't be too much trouble. I do have his crib set up so if you just give him a bottle of milk he should lay right down for you. He likes nap time. There isn't much here as far as food….um," Olivia opened the nearly empty refrigerator and stared inside. "Looks like Diet Coke and bottled water. Juicy Juice," she said with a laugh, "and a bag of Doritos in the cabinet. There is some cash on my dresser if you want to order take out, there isn't much to choose from. I still have to do the shopping."_

_ "I'm fine, really. We will be fine. Go to your interview and you'll be great. And try not to stress out or worry. Especially about him."_

_ Maureen picked up her cell phone and sent a text to Olivia._

_ "That's my number. Dad gave me yours and I already have it saved in my phone. Call and check on him as often as you'd like. I'll probably try to get a little studying done while he is napping, so take your time. Run your errands or grab a quiet moment alone for yourself. He is fine."_

_ "You're good at this," Olivia said with a nervous smile._

_ "I get the feeling you don't leave him with a sitter very often."_

_ "Not really. I have been a stay at home mom since he was born. So it is pretty much just me and him most of the time. But I trust you. And he loves you. Knowing that makes it a little easier to leave him for a little while. If you need anything or if there is an emergency…."_

_ "I have your number. And dad is right upstairs watching the ball game. We will be fine, I promise."_

_ "Thank you," Olivia said with a smile as she picked up her little boy once more. "Jack, mommy is only going to be gone for a little while. You be a good boy for Maureen, okay."_

_ "A ma ma ma," Jackson replied placing his little hand against her mouth. _

_ "Mommy loves you so much," Olivia whispered hugging him as she smoothed her hand over his back and kissed the side of his head . "Wish me luck."_

_ She handed the toddler back to Maureen and picked up her purse and keys from the table beside the door._

_ "Here goes nothing," she said nervously, trying to think positive._


End file.
